Posted on

So many words, so little time!

I am just in the mood to write today. Church was excellent, as usual. I really enjoy my church. My son told me the other day that he wanted to be a Pastor or a Scientist. What he would really like to do is become a missionary, but that is scary and dangerous. I thought it was pretty cute. He really loves helping to teach the children in the children’s church on Sundays. I can see him being called to share God’s word. I have been lucky to be so blessed. I have been lucky to see those blessings, when other people are blind to them. I thank God for that! Lately, it feels like people all around me are ready to tell me how much they appreciate and enjoy me. I mean no pride here…just bear with me. I spent the first thirty-five years of my life telling myself that life is about balance, and that without negatives, there would be no positives. I Convinced myself that people who had great childhoods, had extreme challenges in adulthood, people with awful childhoods come to a place of greatness in their adulthood, and some people just have an average amount of ups and downs their whole lives. Well, I have found a few flaws with this theory, as many people with disadvantaged childhoods grow up to sustain a cycle of disadvantage, as it is all they have ever known. Also, I believe that as the world becomes less and less natural in its pursuance of life, the scales of balance tip a little more everyday. I guess, I am trying to say, without being a doomsayer, that I believe that the end times will come sooner or later, and that inevitably, there will not be balance. However, the point I am getting to here, is that maybe I believed it for so long, I subconsciously willed it to be appear that way. I had a hard childhood. I stayed positive, by telling myself that a hard childhood meant a great adulthood, and to just hang in there. Well, adulthood was off to a rough start. I was starting to doubt my theory, and well, it was looking like I was just meant for a life a hardship and trauma. I sit back today, and look where adulthood is taking me, and I am pretty excited. I feel like I am surrounded by blessings. They are all around me. I am also surrounded by people who cannot see their blessings, and that causes me some trouble. I don’t know what to do with all these wonderful, thankful, thoughts. It seems no one wants to hear the positive side of the story. Even my son can pull positives out of some pretty negative junk. Getting bullied on the school bus led to two days of me calling parents and administrators, and the thing he said to me when it was all said and done was, “Mom, I think it’s a good thing I was bullied, look how many people are watching out for me now.” Ah, the intelligence of a child far surpasses that of many of the adults he is surrounded by day in and day out. I feel blessed to have such a wise little child. Today my blessings lie in understanding. I am thankful for tidbits of understanding that I have been given that I don’t see prevalently around me. I have had a knack for simple understanding when I was a young girl, and far before I realized that it was a gift. I feel called to lead people. It is crazy and I don’t know what to do with it. I understand shame, and the hurts we have as children, and how they impact us as adults. I have an enormous amount of compassion, and I want to teach other people how to have compassion as well.  I understand basic human behavior, and I see logical, moral solutions to everyday problems that people don’t seem to grasp after hours and hours of study. I want to make a difference in the world, and back to my point about balance, I feel like my time is here. I feel like the Lord builds me up in tiny ways every day, further preparing me for me journey on the Rescue Ranch. The last few days, or weeks, I feel as though He has rapidly progressed the building up progress and I feel ready to do His will. Every day people remind me that I am important, that I have gifts and skills to offer to this community. Every day something happens to remind me that I am here to do God’s will. He surprises  me with answers to prayers that I am not even aware are being answered till I sit back and look at my day and say  “Wow! Look what happened today!” I cannot imagine how I am going to secure land, or a home to live in, for this Rescue project, but I have faith that is will happen somehow. At this point in time, I would not be surprised if God just dropped a piece of land, with a big ole house and a nice barn, and maybe even a structure to turn into a community center, right in my lap. Now don;t get me wrong. I don’t believe anything comes for free. I am not a lottery player and was raised of the opinion, easy come, easy go. However, I also know I have put in some long, hard hours to get where I am at. Nothing about it has been easy, and God never fails to surprise me when I least expect it. God is good! God is great! It was only a few weeks ago that I doubted my finances, and today, I sit back and look at all of the little opportunities coming my way and I am thrilled. I don’t have some huge source of income, but I do have a bunch of little sources, and they add up. In just a months time, my financial future has taken a whole new turn. I am thankful for the Dave Ramsey finance class that I took, and I hope to be able to offer it at the Rescue Ranch, at least a couple times a year. It has changed my life. I no longer have a desire to spend money I don’t have. It is not even self discipline, the desire is just gone. Thank you Dave Ramsey. I feel God pushing me in all the directions I need to go to get to the ranch, and it seems so blatant and obvious (which is just what I asked Him for). It seems that every day this week I have had news of twenty or thirty dollars a week my income will go up. That may seem like pennies to you, but to me, that is a great opportunity for savings! I am having trouble figuring out how to structure the ranch, and therefore, must get help from an outside source. I am going to call SCORE and see if I can get some help with structuring this business. I desperately want to get the business plan done, but I get so hung up in structure. I was getting hung up on finances, but God made those clearer for me, so now I move on to structure. How do I structure a business that is both non-profit, and for profit? I need to meet with a financial person. I have a couple of options. I think my best bet is through the church. We have a financial adviser there whom I am pretty close with, and I think he might be able to help me put it in perspective. I believe I will try SCORE first. I cannot find words to describe the desperation I feel. Everywhere I go, I see a need for the services I think I will be providing. I am aware of people’s foundations more than ever, and when I see someone falling, I want to go to them and lift them up. A kind word is great, but sometimes it would be nice if I could take some action. Lead and teach by example. I want to show them that I am a perfect example of how things can be great even when they started from a terrible place. I want to help them overcome the shame in their lives that they don’t even know they own. You can’t do that in a five minute conversation. You needs days, and weeks, to demonstrate that it is simple things that bring happiness. It is hard to tell someone they only have to be good enough for God, but not so hard to show them, given ample time. I am desperate for land. Desperate enough to beg someone to just hear me out and let me try. I don’t have anyone to beg, and that is probably a good thing. I am sure if I was meant to beg it would be obvious. I feel very impatient though, as the world gets more and more hectic, and I see more and more people getting sucked up in it, I feel impatient and desperate, to start my work for real. The truth is I have started my work. I have been doing it for years, and I accept that. I guess I am really impatient to move forward in to a permanent place where I can put down some effective foundations for real community-wide work. I want to be making a bigger difference in a more established environment! I must remind myself that The Lord only puts on our plate what we can handle. I am sure that is true in good and in bad times, but I want it now! ( Picture big fat temper tantrum, with a smile, here). I know The Lord will provide for me when the time is right. Meanwhile, I am gonna keep working my butt off so He can see how willing I am to do all I can to help Him. I suppose that is my cue to go and be productive. May you all have as many blessings as I do!

Posted on

Fantastic Fall Mornings…

Ahhh…. What a lovely day it is today. Hubby and his buddy are off hunting today. I hope they get something! I am up early. It is brisk and fall like this morning. The grass has a nice crunch to it when the mutts run across the frozen ground, and the smell in the air is so refreshing that it wakes  me up upon first contact. I had a great day yesterday, working on paper between other projects. I made banana nut bread, and banana nut cornbread muffins. I also made a big crock pot full of homemade chicken vegetable noodle soup with half a fryer I had in the freezer. It was outstanding! The banana chips turned out good as well, and even hubby, who doesn’t like banana chips, enjoys them. I have a nice, quiet morning to wake up for church and prepare myself for the day. I look forward to another productive day, and finishing the batch of pink floral paper. I look forward to our sermon today, as we are currently studying the beatitudes. Last weeks sermon was very refreshing and I look forward to more. Today I focus on Zucchini and crookneck squash, both of which I need to finish putting up for the year. I need to iron the paper that is dry and finished. I need to find inexpensive boxes to package it in. I suppose I ought to get our Halloween costumes ready as well. It took me two days, but I finally found the costume my son wanted so desperately. Acupuncture does the weirdest things to my body. Most of them feel like they are good for me, but sometimes it just plain feels like my guts are rearranging! I love that the pain in my face goes away almost instantly, and I recommend acupuncture for anyone with severe pain! I am cold, and wanting to climb back in my bed, so I think I will hit the shower instead. Good morning all, and a blessed Sunday to you!

Posted on

Recycled paper, banana chips, and acupuncture

Today was a busy day. I had acupuncture today, which always does weird things to my function-ability. Today not too much impact. I still came home and made more paper, dried banana chips, did a bunch of laundry, cleaned my kitchen and of course made dinner, finished putting up my tomatoes, and spent quite a while checking every store in town for the very specific Halloween costume that my son wants. I am beat. It has been a productive week with a lot of running around involved. My feet are tired tonight, more-so than usual, and I look forward to snuggling down for the evening. My hubby is snoozing beside me in his super hero jammies I picked up for him today. It’s pretty cute! It is definitely getting cold out. Halloween is here in just a couple of days. After Halloween comes the real cold. Brr… I am glad my garden is done for the season. I am almost done harvesting the tomatoes and peppers that were in containers that I brought inside when it got cold. I secretly have to admit that I look forward to all of the fruit being done and getting those scraggly looking end of the season tomato plants out of  my living room. I am too tired to write much tonight, but felt like I should at least get the basics down, so that I wouldn’t lie in my bed and dwell on them all night. It’s time for me to snooze now. Nighty night!

Posted on

Fall and Spring

Hello Everybody! It has been quite brisk the last few days, which leads me to think about my favorite seasons, Spring and Fall. Today we had blustery little snow flurries. It lasted about ten minutes and you had to be watching or you missed it! I was driving in my car, and I had an overwhelming desire to shout out, with great excitement “It’s snowing”! I realized that would be silly, as there was no one with me to share my excitement, and I don’t even ski. There is just something about the changing of these two seasons. Winter is cold, and seems to drag on forever. Summer is hot, and uncomfortable to do much, but Spring and Fall are almost always perfect! I love the seasons of change!

Today I worked with an “average” child. It is so much different than working with special needs and emotionally disturbed children. While I had an excellent time with the young lady, I really do prefer, and have a knack for the needy. Kids, animals, people…I attract them like bees to pollen! More importantly, they attract me. I am finally content knowing that all of the struggles and hardships I have endured for the last thirty seven years prepared me to be a beacon of hope and light to the less privileged. I am honored to bear responsibility like that.

I have spent endless hours praying to The Good Lord to lead me in the direction I am intended to go next. I have promised Him that I would do my best to follow His will and to try not to let my human intentions get in the way, but to please let me know blatantly if I miss the cues. In the last couple of months, I have felt called to work with kids. I am surprised to find most of these children are young, under five years old. My human mind presumed I was to work with teenaged foster boys, because it seems like no-one wants them. I was worried about finances, and letting it hold me back, and somehow, that seems to be slowly working out too, almost in a forced way! I have questioned what is next, and had such strange, yet blatant things happen. Blue Cross/ Blue Shield called me and asked me to get certified. Does that really happen? I had no idea insurance companies called random citizens and asked them to get certified. The therapist who recommended me is willing to represent me under her license until mine goes through. How cool is that? And flattering…it says a lot to me that she was willing to do that. I have never felt as appreciated in my life as I do today. I feel like the last month has made up for twenty years of trying to be good enough for someone and failing over and over again! I feel respected and valued and that is a wonderful feeling! Today I went and met my coordinator, and started the Certified Therapeutic Foster care provider program. I am really looking forward to continued evolution in my work with these children.

I also got the rest of the supplies that I need to start my stationery making project tomorrow. I will take pictures and post for you. I have high hopes. I believe that it is going to be quite rewarding. That is another thing that has started to pan out for me. I have always doubted my ability, as one person, to make enough handmade items to host a farmers market booth, but I have been keeping a bucket for finished items, and in a very short time I have created a surprising inventory. I am pleased with that and thankful for the blessing of time to work on the crafting that I so enjoy! I had the opportunity to pop into the craft store yesterday, and just happened across some two dollar grab bags that turned out to be great buys. I picked up four of them and again, feel as though I am being showered with blessings!

My sick friend has been doing well. She was tolerating her treatments exceptionally well, and then they realized that her weight had been written down wrong and that she had been receiving thirty percent less medicine than she needed. That was kind of a bummer piece of news. There was good news also though, that her appetite was a strong as ever, and that she is gaining weight. I will take that news any day! The fundraising efforts that I am managing are amazing! The love that strangers share is just wonderful! I am shocked and I would not have predicted this kind of support. I guess I am thankful to have any reason to have my faith in humankind renewed! I see so much pain, anger, and selfishness in people every day, that it is really quite pleasant to see so much love pouring out!

The more hurt I see in people, the more blatantly aware I become of the direction this world is going. It is just not natural the way we live. I will be honest, that stresses me out. I become more and more desperate for my little piece of land every day. I desire a place where I can rely on putting my hands in the dirt for most of my food, and to raising my own meat. I look forward to a slower pace of life. I realize it will be busy, but less pressurized, also. I look forward to the smell of woodsmoke in my wood-stove and the sounds of my husband chopping firewood while I bake bread or sew a quilt. I look forward to waking up before the rooster crows at sunrise, to have my quiet morning time and get breakfast and a fire started, and even though the days will be longer, they will be quieter, and more natural. I truly think that we could eliminate a lot of disease and trauma that we currently face just by getting closer to natural. I believe our relationships would be more stable and I believe that there could be generally less chaos in the world if we could all just slow down a minute and get closer to natural. You can see it in everything we do, and yet somehow we keep missing the point. We wear natural fiber clothing, and eat organic food, we recycle and we have gas prices far to high to be wasting it. We have a general consciousness of our selves telling us we need to get back to natural, and yet, somehow we keep missing it along the technology superhighway. The speed limit just keeps getting faster and faster on that superhighway, and I fear that the brakes will not hold if we continue to accelerate! We are heading towards an inevitable high speed crash, and there is some sick, twisted, irrational part of me, that can’t wait to get a little closer to natural, even if it is forced on us.

Lately, I cannot stop fantasizing about what kind of property we will be blessed with? I find myself daydreaming about log cabin walls and what kind of space we will have for a chicken coop and a pantry. I wonder will we be blessed with an awesome barn, or will that be something we have to build as we go? Will we have beautiful, rich, black soil? Or, will we have the typical Rocky soil of these mountains that takes years and years to amend? I wonder where I will find a good south facing home for my tire garden? I am so very excited for the day we know we are standing on the Rescue Ranch property.

Well, it’s past the time of night when the thermostat turns down for the evening, and my nose is cold. It is supposed to be a whopping seventeen degrees with snow tonight. That is my indication to call it a night and snuggle in warm with my hubby. Sweet dreams all, and a blessed day!

Posted on

A gorgeous fall day

Hello all…I suppose it is not technically fall yet, but it sure feels like a gorgeous fall day. The leaves are doing their thing, the sun warmed air feels nice against the cool breeze. The garden has been put to bed, with the exception of a few small clean-up projects I have left to tackle. The need for the Rescue Ranch becomes more apparent every day and I find myself staring at the business plan template, wondering what’s next all the time. Today I was asked to help find a home for a young mature Border Collie who needs a job and an understanding family, but sounds like the most precious little animal. If I was set up and ready as a rescue, I could go get him today, and he could be happily frolicking in my fields right now! The ten year plan, that was my big plan for today. It got thrown off when I became distracted by waiting for the mail. I am expecting some Reba McIntyre tickets int he mail, the show is tonight, and the person taking me couldn’t make it so she next day expressed them. I spent the day kinda going about my day, while being distracted with one ear on the front door. The neighbors got their mail…nothing for me though. Bummer, looks like the concert might be off. Secretly, I am ok with that. I would like to go, and if they show up I will be thrilled, but if not, I would get just as much pleasure from quilting a pair of hotpads, or making a bead strand. I think I would even get great pleasure from just writing the ten year plan, which I think will go very quickly. I would enjoy a face mask and a hot oatmeal milk bath as much as well. I had a nice girlfriend chat on facebook, and now I am back to finish my post. It doesn’t look so promising on the tickets, but no big deal. I guess I can put them in a scrapbook as the vacation that didn’t pan out for my cuz. Well, I better go get myself presentable, just in case UPS shows up in the next half hour. Later my friends.

Posted on

What a week it’s been!

Well, nothing has gone as planned for the last two weeks. Visitors who were supposed to visit didn’t. Both of my guys got sick. One day of school this week, after two sick days, only to learn that there is no school tomorrow or Friday. I have been trying to stay motivated to keep moving forward despite a house full of germy men! I am really uncertain how I will structure the ranch, as there are both for profit and non-profit aspects of it… Feeling quite confused on this aspect right now! I need to feed my mutts so that I can officially call it a night, but my husbands boys night is running a little long and I can’t feed till visiting mutt goes home! I harvested my tomatoes and peppers today. I also had two eggplant still hanging on strong in the greenhouse. As of today, the garden is officially harvested! I have a stack of tomatoes and peppers to process, and a bunch of zucchini and squash to deal with as well, and the next few days should be nice and busy. I can get it done Tomorrow or Friday, but I think once the weekend comes, I am tied up for several days! I start a new respite care job this week. It is funny how things have panned out the last two weeks. Things I never saw coming just cozied right up in my life and made themselves comfortable. I had a phone call from Blue Cross Blue Shield asking me to please get certified to do respite care, because I came highly recommended and I would be a gem to the community. Because I am not certified, but came highly recommended by a highly respected therapist, they are going to write up a contract for me to do respite care for the family. I am pretty excited about that. he financial aspects of the rescue ranch make no sense to me, but I am going to get ahold of SCORE for some help structuring the business, and that should help tremendously with perspective. I have most of the business plan done, with exception to structure and finances…. I can answer any question someone asks me about how or what I am planning, but putting it on paper in a business format is tough! I have decided to make a ten year plan this evening. I think it would help me alot if I could write it down that way so that when I go to score they will be able to understand what I am getting at without a two hour explanation. I guess I need to go take care of responsibilities now! Later.

Posted on

Blog Moved!

Well, I learned how to move my blog, and it fits right in without a glitch. You can’t even tell which days were in which blog. Anyway, that being said, man it has been a long time since I have posted. I have much on my mind. The entire family has been sick. The Rescue Ranch is coming along nicely, and The fundraising efforts are also progressing nicely. I have found some really great resources online regarding small farm start-up, and have been working pretty hard on my business plan. Finances are surprising me. I have been experimenting with new recipes and preserving the harvest. I have been working on crafts for the sales aspect, and I feel as though I am being called to work with kids in a drastic way.

I found a great new site to buy beads inexpensively, and the greenhouse is awesome. I have a ton of Cherry tomatoes and pepper plants producing like crazy. Saturday is the women’s expo. I always have fun at that. Lots to write about, but I m tired, so tonight I will settle for getting the blog moved and a quick recap! Night All…

Posted on

Moving the blog back

well, I found another blog site that I really loved. I hung out there for a couple of months, and now I have gotten an email that I must move i, as they are shutting the site down. That is so unfortunate. I was really enjoying that page. It is a wordpress blog, but the dashboard is nothing like this one, and I cannot figure out how to move it over here. Waiting for a reply from the site admin…and soon that content will be here. Another thing I don’t get…the backgrounds. Why are the choices so different. Both are hosted by wordpress, so why are the same background images not available? So welcome back to my wordpress blog…I will miss my homestead blogger site, and the community it hosted. Ahh, technology. I get it enough to be frustrated by it!

Posted on

Beads, the flu, and a wedding

So the hubby took off today for his the wedding, we are going to follow behind in the morning. I am still getting an abundance of weird drama phone calls, from people I have not heard from in years. It is the strangest thing. I am in a great place today though. I made one of the prettiest necklaces I have made in a very long time. It took all day but it turned out pretty beautiful. I am pretty excited about it. My husbands parents showed up around noon to take him to the wedding, and at about twelve fifteen, my son called with a headache. I went to get him, and he was red, clammy, warm, and complaining of body aches everywhere…ugh! This could throw a damper in our wedding plans and at this moment I am counting my blessings that we did not all go today. It is a good thing it is less than two hours away.

Munching on a piece of pizza and taking an opportunity for computer time on this cold, wet, but lovely evening. I am starting to feel like myself again, one day at a time, although I am still quite thrown off by the random dumps of drama on a daily basis.

Have I already mentioned that we decided to do shoeboxes for one of our churches Christmas programs? I was at the craft store the other day and I got some of the coolest little ideas. I found a bead store online, called dollarbead.com. It is a dollar store for beads and I could not be more excited about it. I have read the reviews and they are stellar.I can’t wait to place my first order.

A bunch of people have already started offering goods and services for the silent auction. I am pretty impressed by that since I have not even started planning it yet. It looks a bit like the two guys have the concert under control, and the other girl has the dinner under control, so I think I can start doing the silent auction. I was thinking maybe a soup dinner, or soup feed, or whatever you call it.

Not much to say today. I spent the majority of it buried in beads and wire. Have a wonderful evening all…

Posted on

It’s about to get crazy…

Well, today was my official last day of peace and quiet for a couple days. The last couple of weeks have been weird, and the last couple of days have finally slowed down, just long enough to let me take a deep breath. I got the housework caught up, as it really got behind while I spent two weeks in shock. I did learn, while I was in shock over the news of my friend, that I cook for comfort. I never realized that before and it seemed so blatantly obvious when it dawned on me. I got three necklaces made today. Two of which are gifts for my friend and her mommy, and one that goes into the inventory bucket for sale. Tomorrow begins a two week stint of every day chaos. There will be no routine about this month! Tomorrow my husband leaves for his cousins wedding rehearsal dinner, and on Saturday we follow behind for the wedding. Sunday we come home late in the evening, and Monday, my most chaotic and un-assembled friend is needing a place to lie her head for the week. She will be here Monday through Friday, and then Friday after she leaves, my cousin is coming into town. She arrives in the middle of the night and will be here for a week. The day she leaves is an expo that I really want to go to, so we are going to do that before I take her to her departure stop. During that time, I am also working on a benefit concert for my friend and a dinner and a silent auction are events to come. At least I got through what I needed to do for the spay/neuter event. The event is Saturday, and I am going to miss it because I have to go to the wedding. It will be the first event I have missed since I joined the committee as the volunteer and food coordinator, and I am a tiny bit nervous about them pulling it off…I know they will, I just have some control issues I guess. I handed off my schedule of volunteers today and notified the person responsible to pick up breakfast that I had some control issues and I was counting on her to get breakfast. I think they will be fine, but I feel like I am missing out. I shouldn’t. We do it three times a year, and I get my fill of spay/neuter every time, but I really dislike missing the events. The garden is done for the year, except for a few last cool season veggies and a couple tomato and pepper plants in the greenhouse, but it is pretty clear they know it is fall.

I am in a weird place…it is not a very compassionate place. I am a very compassionate person…to a fault, but today I find myself in a cynical place. I feel like every person I know has called me or texted or messaged me to complain about their awful, miserable, terrible, horrible days. Some of them have real life changing stuff going on. I feel completely overwhelmed by the horrible things that seem to be happening to the people all around me, but then I hear people crying about their entire day being wrecked because of some five minute event that really could easily be turned around and viewed as a blessing. I find myself feeling impatient with petty drama. Stuff that doesn’t matter, or doesn’t deserve the credit it is being given for day ruining events, and I find myself in a place of brutal honesty…I mean really, If your kid is not dying of cancer, then you have it pretty good right? Really? It’s a perspective thing I guess, but I had to tell two of my friends that they were being ridiculous and overreacting today…and you know what, they both sucked it up, quit crying, and said, “good point”. If you just want to whine and cry about petty problems, I am not the person to call today. If your problems don’t consist of death, sickness, 35 years of marriage falling apart, hungry or neglected children and elderly, war, poverty, horded animals, unsaved souls, or the end of the earth…well, I already have enough on my mind then, thanks.

That about sums up my mood for the day. I am tired of hearing blessed people complain about the things that they don’t have, or the things that might have to endure. I am tired of being around people who cannot see what they have, and I don’t want to be everyone’s ear. I feel like the last three weeks or so have been a bombardment both of people who have very real needs of me, and of people who just need a little attention on them today, begging for my other shoulder. I am currently burdened with the very heavy load of people who actually have real tragedy in their lives, and I can’t carry the drama weight too…

I feel like no matter how hard I try, I can’t make people understand that I don’t just sit home watching soap operas and picking my nose all day just waiting to jump up to listen to them cry or babysit their kids or run their errands or whatever else they may be able to ask me to do…you know, this one big favor.

I have very real responsibilities and goals. I really have a lot of my own life trying to grow and happen and I can’t seem to get that across to them all. I have been here before, only in a very different state of mind. There was a point in my life when I was very codependent. I have since broken that cycle, and no longer feel inclined to give more than I can, and so, I am wondering how to handle this. I find I have become much more blunt with people. Much easier to say it like it is. If they don’t want to hear it they will call someone else, and if it makes them quit crying, well, it’s much more efficient than just telling them what they want to hear and fueling the fire.

As you can see, the over-stimulation that won’t stop is starting to overflow out of me. The first sign that I need some serious down time is that I get a little less tolerant of stupidities! I am dreading the idea of not seeing down time again until some time in the end of October…I can already imagine what kind of mood I will be in by then…Dear Lord, protect me from myself over the next couple weeks please! Hold me strong and keep me while I trod through the days to come. I love you Father! Amen!

My first thought is that I will be ok as long as I keep Jesus beside me! I think that is the thing that is heaviest on me. I have Jesus beside me every minute of my day. He is the only one I feel I can talk to and be candid with these days, and He lays no burden on me. It is a lonely but comforting place to be. I enjoy being lonely with Jesus, but I wish that I could slow down some and enjoy it in solitude and quiet. It is hard to be in this place, and constantly surrounded by people who are not content with their lives. I feel like I cannot help but eventually just fade out the endless drone…and I don’t mean to, but I don’t really have anything to say. It is hard to be contemplative with The Lord when you are surrounded by constant chatter and activity. That is what I am trying to say. So, by now I am sure you are tired of hearing me drone on and on, so until next time (and it might be a few days)… have a blessed day, and may The Lord me at your side always!