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So, after what feels like the longest period of rest in my life, I believe that I have finally been released from it. I woke up the other morning, with a sudden realization of what was causing this pain to persist, and got it all fixed up. I am so thankful for the release, but now that I think about it, I wonder how busy God plans to make me, the next several months. That is a long time to rest. Regardless, I am done resting, but still moving caution and awareness. I feel like I have been given the go- ahead to move forward with my rescue ranch plans, and I have a general feeling of  “Wheee….here we go..!” Hubby and I are on the search for the perfect little start-up ranch, we decided to rent for a few years before we buy, for a whole host of reasons.

I am back up in my kitchen again, and it feels so good to be baking, cooking, and preserving again. I have limited food to preserve, since there is no garden this year, but I still love to go to costco and get big packages of fruit and turn them into fruit leather. Yum! Grape takes an incredibly long time to dry! It feels good, really good, to see some of me coming out again. I have a desire to craft and I have a major quilt bug going on too. I am very excited at the prospect of moving forward with rescue ranch plans into a tangible place! I would be so thrilled to have a foster kid by Christmas!

My girlfriend with the baby girl who is fighting kidney cancer is home, and that is so incredibly exciting! I have not seen them for nine months. Her daughter was given some low number, like 30% odds, of beating this disease, and today she is cancer free. We keep her in our prayers, as there is a high likelihood of reoccurence, but what a delight to see her smiling face. Her biggest struggle right now is learning to eat solids again, and it is a real challenge. Her stomach does not know what to do with them, so it hurts to eat. The very first thing she did when she got to my house was ask for food! You as a reader, cannot possibly know how much I love to feed people, or how instantly flattered I was when she asked me to make her Banana bread! I went on a banana bread frenzy yesterday, and I am happy to say that I have one very large loaf in my freezer for her, and she has one very large loaf to work through. I also made a couple large loaves for my family.  My girl didn’t want nuts in hers, but she really needs the protein, says mom. So, hers are special, with the finest ground nuts you can imagine . In all, I made four batches of banana bread yesterday, and had I used a regular sized pan, I would have had 8 loaves. Wow….that is a lot of banana bread for one little girl. Oops, I realized later how happy I was to be doing anything for her at all. She asked if she could eat in my living room. I told her that for the rest of her life she could do whatever she wanted in my house, because she is my hero. I meant it. She is a good girl…well, except she can’t tell her mom no. That rules till applies to every child in my home. As un-progressive as it is as a parenting technique, and I am pretty well trained in brand new parenting techniques, well, I still find it to be true. You respect your mother and do what she asks. If you disagree, you may discuss it, but you may not say no or be disrespectful. Obviously, if a mother was asking her child to do something ridiculous or dangerous in my home, I would put a stop to it, but kids these days have no respect for adults. It blows my mind when I see the way some of my clients treat their parents.

I am hung up on the times around us. I have recently become blatantly aware of how many people think we live in a democracy. I think I learned that we live in a Republic when I was in the 7th grade. I am amazed how many people are unaware that this grand Ole United States of America is in a state of martial law, and we have been since 2001. I wonder how many people realize the ramifications of socialized healthcare. I used to support it, but a little research, and the state of our medical structure in the US scares the daylights out of me. I am aware of these “drones” that can be as small as mosquitoes or as large as a helicopter that are watching us, and now they are talking about arming them with rubber missiles and tear gas. I am as partriotic as a girl can get. My father fought in the Vietnam war and my grandaddy in wars before him. I cry when I hear the Star Spangled Banner, and I ache for our troops and their families. I am also, for the first time in my adult life, facing an election that I don’t want to join. Everything about the American in me says I have to vote. I HAVE TO! I mean, its what we do. However, how? who? really, I HAVE to? I just am so tired of listening to everyone complain about the President. First of all, we live in a system of checks and balances, and he can’t do anything without a whole slew of other people voting right along side him. Second of all, it doesnt matter who the president is, you never hear people saying, “Well, look what a good job our president is doing” Essentially, running for president seems like a job application to be the countries scapegoat while the congress and house of representatives quietly destroy our government. Now, I do not claim to be educated about government or politics, but I am just speaking, ranting rather, from my heart. Everyone complaining about Obama kills me. Not because I feel one way or the other about Obama, but because not only did most of the complainers vote for him, but everybody thinks they want change until they get it. Can you remember the last time you saw a huge change among masses of people without a great deal of resistance. People want change, until it means they have to change what they are used to, then forget it, who is this fool trying to change the way we do things. Bunch of hypocrisy if you ask me. Not that you did. I kinda took it upon myself to share, huh?

Someone said to me the other day. We need a woman president, but NOT Hillary Clinton. I stopped and said, wait. If not Hillary, than who? Martha? Oprah? I mean, plain and simple, it takes a person of a certain personality type to run for president, and anyone who does, woman or man, is going to have that same cut-throat, get to the top type of personality. The person I was talking to hadn’t considered that, but neither do the rest of the world who think a woman would do better. I am not saying she wouldn’t, I am saying that it takes a certain level of power hunger to want to be president.

So I am in a strange place, because I am in a place where I am facing things I have always refused to face…meaning end times stuff. I am not gullible, and I don’t jump on end of the world bandwagons, however, I am starting to feel like that person. I am seeing Revelations come true before my eyes. I half expect the Rapture to happen any moment. I wonder if God will take us before, or leave us here to guide the ones who are lost? I wonder if people are aware of those flying little drones, and of the mark of the beast. Do you all know that family in Florida that is microchipped? It is here! I hate it that it is here, because I don’t want to jump on that bandwagon, but I cannot deny it any more! Cameras on every corner, govt failing…and we are so closely heading toward a one world rule… I keep thinking its NATO. I wonder how much longer the US govt will make it. It can’t be long, at the rate things are going now. How do I talk to anyone about this without them secretly thinking I am one of them tin-foil hat junkies or that I think zombies are coming. I am not, and I don’t. What I do think though, is that God is getting  ready to give the Earth to Jesus, and it is going to get very messy getting there.

I feel a sense of pressure to get the rescue ranch up and running in time, and really, to make the preparations we need to make to be ready for whatever may happen. Whatever it is, it is here, and it is starting, and it is going to be really ugly. I also feel a sense of peace, knowing that God will make sure we have all we really need to do His will before that time comes, or as we need it.

I used to think I was a heat person. It could be a hundred degrees and I didn’t care, but I hated cold. Well, let me tell you how much that has changed. I CAN”T STAND the heat. YUCK!  I used to love it. Now, the cool comes and I get excited. Snow falls and I get frisky and wanna bundle up and take my dogs out for a good romp in it. I mentioned this to a healthcare professional once, and she told me that I would change me preferences every 7-10 years until I was sixty or so. That was an interesting tidbit, but I gotta say, today, I am not a fan of this incredible heatwave that is slowly passing through. It makes me nauseous, gives me a headache, and robs me of what little appetite I have. Bring on Fall!

Despite my rantings, I am in a fabulous mood. It is nice to be up cooking and baking and feeling like myself again. I have been through a crazy whirlpool of health issues the last six months, but I am finally up and moving again, and I couldn’t be more pleased. It is amazing the little things you take for granted till you can’t do them. It is so incredibly nice to be functional again. Thank You Lord!

I know it has been a while, but I think I am up and moving again, and the next few months should be quite the adventure as we find a little ranch or farm to get started on. I can’t wait to share it with you all. Until next time, have a blessed day!


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Normalcy returning…

Oh thank you Lord! I can feel a sense of normalcy returning to my life. It has been almost four months of wondering if I was ever going to be a productive human being again. I have had no desire to do any of the things I enjoy, like use my dehydrator and garden. Well, some of that I desired to do, but couldn’t. I am starting to have the desires and the energy, and even a little motivation, to start doing these things again. After three back injuries all at once, I guess I needed some serious heal time. It is hot here today, hotter than normal, but it has been a fabulous day. I have been in such a great place, and feeling so content with life. I have learned a few things about letting go of some stressors and taking care of me for real. It has been a long test of my patience, but I have survived it.

Today I processed a bunch of venison jerky. I believe six pounds, and it sits in my fridge marinating in some of the yummiest smelling juices. I cannot wait to sink my teeth into it when it is done!  Hubby’s meals on the road are getting a little boring, and it’s time for wifey to get her broken body up and moving again. Thankfully, it is healing up just in time!

Well, it’s been a few days since I started this post. Life has been a little hectic lately, and I am finally getting back here. It is not near as hot today, but I am somewhat impatient. Feeling overstimulated, and like my routine has been turned upside down in the last couple weeks, I am overwhelmed. I think I have a few more days of overwhelmed in store for me before it all regulates and returns to “normal”. Hubby should get to come off the road for a couple hours this weekend, and it will be so nice to see him! I intend to spend the day catching up on chores that I have let get away from me this week, so that I can sit and enjoy my Saturday with hubby. School is officially out, and I look forward to an active summer with my son. My sick friend, the one with kidney cancer, should finally be coming home this month. It’s been too long and too raw and it will be nice to hug them! I am in overall good spirits, but I can tell I am overwhelmed by the lack of patience in my voice.

I feel desperate to find my rescue ranch and get me some chickens and bees and alpaca’s, oh my! I also feel an “extreme” sense of patience and serenity about it. I started a Bible Study for women on facebook, and so far it is going pretty good. I am in this wonderfully content place, and still, there is patience where restlessness used to be, a sort of , well, understanding, that when it is time, it will apparent.  Some days I think  it is time, but I don’t have the ranch, other days I think that if it were time, I would be able to find the ranch I am supposed to use. I just don’t know. I am going to have to spend some serious time in prayer on clarity!  I don’t know what I am supposed to do to find it. Been looking at ranches like crazy, but none of them seem quite right, I have yet to see a ranch and say “that’s the one”. I think that when I find it I will know. I have had this place I drive, like Sunday drive, well, before gas got so darned expensive! I love it in that canyon. It would be beyond my wildest dreams to live up there. Yesterday, I was up there, and there are many homes for sale, most at a fairly reasonable price… one can hope, and dream, right?

So, today I sit in frazzled contemplation. It is hard to do my chores, because I mostly want to pack it all up as I am cleaning it off or out, but that doesn’t seem to rational now, does it?  I have tons of craft projects I am finally motivated and inspired to do, and well, I am generally good and back up and running, which is great. My shoulder still gets sore but for the ost part I am functional as long as I don’t do any heavy labor. No lifting planters full of dirt, but I believe that I can still have a small garden this year. I just have to buy some starts instead of starting them from seed…which is a bummer, but life goes on, and I have bigger fish to fry, so I will take what I can get.

My child is clearly a teenager. I don’t know when it happened, but one day he was this sweet little kid, and the next day he was yanking stuff outta my hands, saying things like “duh” and “whatever”. Oh man, I don’t know how I will handle him this summer, but one thing is for sure, he does not get to let his manners go. I have set pretty strict rules about expectations for him for the summer. He is expected to do his chores, and practice his extracurricular’s before sitting on his bum being a lazy teenager! Martial arts is going fantastic, and he absolutely loves it, even makes good decisions about it. I couldn’t be happier with our decision to pursue it.

Well, enough of my ramblings, I should get back to the grind. I just wanted to get this out there finally. Until next time, many blessings…


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Today I question the appropriateness of a blog entry. I have been itching to write to you all, and yet, holding back for some reason. My subject matter is heavy. Bright, but heavy. I have a desire to share my love of The Word with others. I am fascinated by the intricacy of this book. The way it comes to life for me is fascinating, and I am enthralled by it. I have a heaviness about the things I see happening around me in the world today, and a joy the squashes it, and thinks about what a nice job Jesus will do with Earth. I have several girlfriends who are being convicted, right now, this week and month. I find myself feeling like I want to bring other Christian women to some of these conversations, and my how the idea of reading Bible Studies and sharing them with other women appeals to me. And so, a Bible study book club is born. It is an online thing, and I have high hopes for it. I believe that we will have a lot of fun growing in God together, and I am uber excited to get started. I cannot wait to see where this takes us. There has been an abundance of violence and disturbance in our tiny little country community, and we are all a bit rattled, but this Bible study is keeping me focused on a very positive light. I have a million little thoughts in my head. I laughed at satan and said “how gullible do you think I am” the other day. It felt good to laugh at him, to be able to say to him that Jesus loves me, and I am protected from him, so please take you ugly self away from here. I know, it sounds weird, but it is a tactic that works good for me when he meddles.

I have received a lot of compliments lately. I mean real compliments, the kind that humble you to your core and make you wanna say, “no, I am not that good” blush blush.  The kind of compliments you know are genuine, but still slightly uncomfortable, in a “your giving me too much credit” kinda way. I have gotten these compliments from women I really admire, women I aspire to be like one day.  I have pondered fearing the Lord alot the last few days, well, much longer really, but it has been on the surface in an undeniable way the last few days.  I thought I was missing something, after all, I love and trust Him so much, how could He ever hurt me? God is love. I just couldn’t wrap my brain around fearing Him, until a discussion with my mother in law made me realize that when I was praying to Him about it, I also asked Him to please not show me, cause I knew what He could do. Puts the word fear in perspective, at very least. I am not afraid of my Father, because I respect and love and treasure Him, but I try very hard not to let him down. I certainly have a fear of disappointing Him. If I was not aware of my actions, and constantly trying to improve on them, I might have a different kind of fear for the Lord, but I don’t think that is meant to be a frightening statement. He is our Father. He does not want us to be frightened. He wants our reverence and respect. He wants us to fear what He can do if we forsake Him.  Like when you do something wrong as a child, you are afraid of the repercussions, the consequences, and you might even get a spanking, “oh man, I hope dad doesn’t find out”. His consequences are there to teach a lesson, but he wont really hurt you. I realized, not so recently, that few people grasp the concept of unconditional love. It is exactly that, unconditional. It means that He loves you. Real, genuine, true, honest, parental love. Nothing changes unconditional love. It has no conditions. I have thoughts of joy, sustainable joy. Oh how I long to describe sustainable joy to my girlfriend and have her hear what I am saying. I have a sense of peace, and a sense of doom. One person in my life repeatedly tells me that every generation has thought they were part of end times, but I really, truly, think it is here. And I have always avoided doomsday stuff, I just don’t jump on that bandwagon, but how many obvious signs can I ignore before I become worse than gullible, in denial? In the doom and catastrophe that signals, I feel joy squashing it down. I feel desperate to lead my friends to The Word, so they can find that key to the lock on the joy door. I am excited about watching Christians grow, and I have a multitude of thoughts that I desire to share, which would not make sense here, but you get the point. My brain has been all wrapped up in this Jesus loving place, and the thoughts that have been going through my head are mostly too heavy for a simple blog. My levels of gratitude and peace are at an all time high, and I just feel so dang blessed I don’t even know how to contain it. I am so thankful for every blessing. Trials and tribulations are just that, and the blessings always blanket them in a layer of tolerability. I am thankful for that. I am thankful for opportunity, for the compost that is my gardens foundation. I am thankful that God always seems to give me some great set of words when I need them the most. I can see Him using me, in two very unique lives, and I can see how I am specially designed to reach them, and WOW! that is flattering to the core.  I am sure a lot of folks get tired of hearing me go on and on about God, Jesus and the Bible, but I am way, way past the point of caring about that. This joy is too much to contain, so I am spilling it out. I am not looking to please anyone but God. Without Him, I would not have this peace and joy, amidst so much darkness and evil. Well, I suppose, enough of that for today! Many blessings all. Until next time…