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Ahhh, my friends, Fall is here. Well, this feels more like Winter, quite frankly. It has been snowing almost all week, and been quite beautiful at that. I have enjoyed every single flake that I have seen fall. There is so much going on, and I have been absent this last few days, but I found a moment to take a deep breath, and so, here I am. I had my eye on a place, and was feeling quite apprehensive about it, despite the fact that it was perfect for our needs. I had asked for them to work with me on a move in date, for Dec. 1, but she really wanted to rent it by Nov. 1. I knew we would not be ready by then, so I told her that if it was available on Dec. 1 we would take it, and if not, we would find something else. Today, I very apprehensively checked the rentals section, afraid that I would be devastated if it had been rented. Much to my surprise, when I looked and it was not there, I felt a huge sense of relief. Not only do I not have to worry about coming up with nearly 4000 dollars for December 1, but the Holidays are a terrible time to move, and ideally, January 1, would be a great move in date. I don’t believe in New years resolutions, but I do believe in new beginnings, and how fitting would it be to start the rescue ranch the first of the new year? Shocked and overwhelmed at the sense of relief that I have, waiting till January First, and oh, how pleased my husband will be to find that we dont have to move during the holidays. I have until January first to tie up some loose ends, and that is also a huge relief, plus, I just cannot packing this place up in a month, I just cannot fathom doing that, on top of everything else I am doing. We have a spay/neuter event on Nov. 10, that I am an on the planning committee for, and I have a potluck for my little friend with cancer tomorrow. I also have all this RMRR stuff I am trying to do, and a cancer awareness cookbook, and a few other fundraising type things. Good heavens. I feel like never in my life have I been attracted to technology, but never in my life, have I wanted a piece of equipment so badly. I feel a need to buy a tablet. Silly, I know. I have three different committees that I am on, a lot of meetings that I go to, and clients that I need to be able to bill on the go, and I am feeling like a tablet would go a long way in helping me organize it all, and keep it portable. I also have my Bible study to move forward on and well…its all a lot of details, really. Needless to say, I have been busy. Very, very busy. I definitely feel that it would be a business expense, but I am saving every penny, so I can get us into a ranch. I have made do with paper and pen this far in my life, never even really wanted anything but paper and pen, but dang, my binder has a lot of stinkin sections…its not very portable anymore, and well…you see where I am going with this. Anyway, I just might do it. Have to talk it over with the hubby, but I think it makes actual sense.

I have a lot on my mind with three non profits on my plate, and one just waiting in the wings for me to make time for them. I have business licenses and other connections to make. I have a whole lot of details going on. I am trying to do many, many things with my time, and my brain cannot see a list. It sees three lists, swirling around atop and below each other. A tornado of lists, if I may. I have tried to list them all, but the papers just stack up and I cant remember what I have written and what I still need. How do I get all of these details organized?

Once I get the three non-profits organized, I reach a place where I start thinking past them, to what comes after the event is established, and again find myself with a barage of details. Primarily with RMRR. I feel that as soon as I find a place, I need to start planning the respite and foster programs. I need to have everything in place for those to start right away, I need to plan the gardens and farmers market programs, quickly, cause planting is in march, at least for seed sets. I need to plan the RMRR store, and resource programs quickly also. Chickens won’t be far off, once spring rolls around it will be time to get them going. It feels like the next six months is going to be a blur, and yet, I have been waiting so long for this  that I am just as thrilled and patient as can be. Mostly, I am probably just too overwhelmed to be impatient. I can only assume God is using this opportunity to teach me how to juggle the many non-profit programs of my own that I intend to build. I finally found the courage today to make a phone call that I have been dreading. Nothing scary about it at all, I just couldn’t make myself call. Feels good to have faced that beast, and it turned out to be the kitten I thought it would be. Phew, check one more big one off the list.

I have this series of ideas I want to blog about. I learned a lot in therapy, and I think that a lot of people would be alot happier, if only they could grasp a few of these concepts. I also have some ideas about God and the Bible that I would like to share, some unique perspectives, I suppose. I feel as though I should do a “therapy” series. Maybe a “God” series. I certainly feel as though I should blog about some of the more important lessons I learned. A post specifically about being a “special needs mommy”. I always talk about my special needs child,a nd my special needs clients, but never do I talk about the ways in which I relate with these children, and I would like to explore the dynamic that happens when you learn just how easy it can be to “mentor” a special needs child when you understand treating people as individuals and letting go of expectations. I want to post about blame, and shame, and how we all like to think its “mom’s fault”. I would like to blog about shame, expectations, and codependency. I want to talk about the tools we have, and the “lizard brain”, or amygdala. I want to share a concept that was shared with me, and one that I heard someone repeat the concept to, in a very simple way, and how we all have different perceptions. I want to write a letter to all of the folks that I know who are fighting and fighting against simple, honest, real answers. To those who refuse to see whats in front of them, to the “can’t, won’t, but” folks out there. I want to make a plea for Jesus Christ, to those who have been shown, in such a misrepresentative way, what bits and pieces of the Bible say. I want to do so without condemning any organized religion. I want to talk about what it means to love Jesus,and quite frankly, a tiny bit of the anger of the denomination I was primarily raised in, well, that comes through, and I don’t wish to offend anyone. I want to talk to you about health, food, exercise, and a natural way of life, the way God intended.  So much I want to talk with you all about. Where does one start? What do you all want to read about? What are you curious about? Well, friends. Today, you can see, my mind is in a flurry. There is much that wants out, and the avenues for release are scarce at the moment. Until next time my friends…may your thoughts be organized and your days be blessed!

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Dynamics and emotions

What a strange dynamic I am in. It feels as though the worst and best things in my life are happening right now. On the down side, my best friends daughters cancer is back with a vengeance, and that is hard. On the other hand, RMRR is coming to fruition right before my eyes. We are planning to move December 1st, assuming we can find a place. That is so exciting, but it is weighted by the impending future of my little friend. I have learned so much about myself this last few weeks. I have a myriad of emotions that I don’t know how to sort. I have had a string of run in s with bullies, both in my life and in my childs. I feel as though God is trying to teach me to really stand my ground. I am ok at it, but I let people push me around sometimes, and well, I am improving my “standing my ground” skills. I am overwhelmed with a sense of urgency, and there are so many different wavelengths  paths, and thoughts in my head, that I am struggling to compartmentalize them all, even on paper. On the one hand, I am coordinating several fundraisers for my friend, and one the other trying to raise money for my own non profit dreams. It occurs to me that I am on the path to opening a cancer awareness non profit, but that was never in my plans. I guess Gods plans are rarely the same as ours. I have learned that I am incredibly competent at fundraising, that I don’t get stage fright speaking on a stage, to an audience, in a microphone. That was wonderful to learn. I have had so many great epiphanies about my capabilities, but the sadness and guilt that comes when you feel like you are not supposed to be getting so much good out of your friends tragedy. I have had anger, rage, hate, sorrow, joy, giddiness, and hope, shattered and replaced many times, this week. That is just the tip of the iceberg. I think I have used every single emotion I am equipped with , on multiple occasions, this week. I am in a place, where i feel God would not have equipped us with emotions if we werent meant to use them sometimes, and this is the week for emotions. Its slightly reminiscent of being on that bi-polar roller coaster, except that it is triggered by real life events that are beyond my control. Today, I work on my binder, get the new plans up and rolling. My logo is FINISHED! It is so beautiful. Next week I go down and register it. This is all coming together so nicely! Almost there kids…almost. I hope you all have a most blessed weekend! Until next time…

 

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Pretty exciting!

Well, this is pretty exciting. The fundraising page is slowly earning steady donations. Its not huge, not tiny. I have become comfortable with the idea of asking for help, have gotten great feedback. I even added a link on this blog.  I am starting to daydream on some of the realities of it. For the first couple days, I just watched, to see what would happen, if this was meant to be, or merely a fancy figment of my imagination? Its been just over two days, and I now have enough donations to feel confident that this is happening! I have been planning this rescue ranch for years, since the day I gave my life to Christ and He gave me my path. There has never been a more amazing moment in my life, and I have always known that this is really what God wants me to do. I have made mistakes along the way, but He always turns me gently back to the path. I know I will make more mistakes, but that He will always guide me, because I am doing this for Him, because I am sure it is what He wants me to do. Today, after years of envisioning it, of trying different ideas on paper and in function, after moving forward, falling backwards, and moving forward some more, I am finally seeing it come to fruition. I could not be more thankful to all the folks who have shown support along the way. I had a goal for a first donation, it was met, I had a goal for one hundred dollars, so that the page would go live on the search engine, and it was surpassed. I now have a third goal, and that is to raise enough to be able to start looking for a place. Oh how I long to start really, seriously looking. I am excited about this opportunity to fund raise this way. It gives me an opportunity that I otherwise would not have. I definitely got past the fear. I am excited, full of faith,and feeling the graces of God all around me. I look forward to sharing this part of the path with you. Of putting the trials, tribulations, blessings and joys of this adventure, out there for someone else to be inspired by. It takes courage. It is scary at times, hard at times, and incredibly fun and rewarding at times. I cry as many tears of joy as I do tears of frustration or sorrow, maybe more of joy even. I get ahead of myself, and then I get a taste of humble pie. Oops, check yourself girl! I pick myself back up, and I head out again. I will accomplish this, I am determined, and today, I feel the grace of God safely guiding me through it.

Today, I want to talk about Jesus for a minute. I may offend some, and I apologize if I do, but what I want to talk about is Jesus and Love. How Jesus is Love. They are the same. Do you ever hear a conversation, and well, it follows the normal thinking patterns of the natural person, but somewhere, deep inside it just feels wrong. I think that is Jesus speaking to us. I think that is our spirit, our hearts, telling us “this is not what Jesus would do”. I can give the example of immigration conversations off the top of my head, and this is where i think I may offend some. It is meant to be a simple example is all. do you think that Jesus would condemn refugees for coming across the border to hide here? I hear people making racist comments, or saying shameful things about someone, and even though it is accepted generally, that people may even have logical arguments, my heart says that Jesus would never, ever say something like that. Jesus is LOVE. What He utters is love, acceptance, patience, forgiveness, humanitarian efforts. He wants us to take care of the weak and unable. He wants us to love each other and pray for our enemies. Jesus loves everyone. He grieves for the sinners. He grieves for those who are unsaved, because He loves even them. Jesus is LOVE. I can’t get it out of my head and my heart today. I find the kind of love that Jesus exhibits in the humanitarian efforts that I participate in, and regularly think about how I want a heart just like His when I grow up. I love Jesus so very much. Thought for the day…Jesus is Love! Love is Jesus. Whichever way you measure it, I hope it opens a door of joy for you today! Many blessings my friends!

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Nerves settling

Good day my friends! Well, my nerves are settling from that crazy move yesterday. I have a little more clarity, it makes sense, and I am getting great feedback on the fundraising page. I have left the fear behind, and I am ready to see this grow. I learned I have to raise a certain amount for it to be available on the search page, so if any of you are interested in checking it out, here is the link. http://www.gofundme.com/obn80  Once it reaches one hundred dollars, it will be available from the search page. Meanwhile, its not so intimidating any more, and I am feeling pretty good about it. Its in God’s hands, and if this is what He wants me to do, it will raise the money, and if not, nothing really changes. I think though, after considering the epiphanies I have had this last week, that maybe there is a reason it went live yesterday without my intending to do so, and am feeling pretty full of faith about it. Thanks for listening through this scary part of the journey folks. I am glad I have come to the safe, not so scary part. I faced a huge fear yesterday, asking for help, and hoping people will believe in me. It is easy to believe in myself, I have God on my side, but asking others to believe in me, that is hard! Thanks for your support guys! I really appreciate you taking the time to listen. Until next time, many blessings….

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Crazy day!

Woohoo…two posts in one day. Its a crazy day! I had to come here. I had to talk to you folks. You see, I did something crazy today. I am nervous as can be about it, and don’t know why. I am hoping to find some affirmation that I did the right thing, I suppose. You see, I was raised that hard work is where it is at. That nothing comes for free. I have done so much hard work to get to the place where Rocky Mountain Rescue Ranch could provide for this community, but I am held back by lack of funds. Aren’t we all?  The problem I run into, is that it has to be a working, for profit ranch, that operates non profit programs off of it. Details, red tape, that kind of stuff. So, that makes fundraising very hard. I am sitting, waiting, getting up and happily putting one foot in front of the other every day. I ask my good Father what He wants form me for the day, and I do my best to achieve it. Today, while looking for a way to help a friend who is far away, I found something, or rather, re-happened across a page I found four months ago. GoFundMe.com is a page where you can do private fundraising. I was curious, started filling in the questionnaire  and before I knew it, I have  my own private fundraising site for Rocky Mountain Rescue Ranch. I really didn’t mean to go live with it, and before I knew it I got a page that said, Congratulations . Part of me is thrilled about this. Part of me is incredibly nervous. It can’t hurt, but I feel ludicrous asking people for help with the start up costs. Everything is ready, all we need is access to a ranch, and a few supplies, and we are on our way, and so, I have a wild mix of emotions about starting a fundraising page, but I am going to try it, because worst case scenario, nothing happens, and best case scenario, we finally get the center up and running for real. Oh someone tell me I am not crazy, please! Am I afraid of success? Is this a fear of rejection? Is it wrong to ask for help getting this community resource going. I have no doubt I can maintain it once I secure the grounds. I have no idea if this wild mix of emotions is self doubt, or fear of rejection, but I am facing it. Head on! Wish me luck folks.

 

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Delightfully dreary days…

Oh, what a delightfully dreary day it is! Woke up to snow and rain this morning, and could NOT be happier about it! Our air has been acrid with smoke for months. Its fairly warm out, the tomatoes and pumpkins are doing fine in the snow. Such a strange dynamic mountain life has, but OH, so refreshing. I am hanging out in fuzzy pajamas this morning, drinking a wonderfully warm cup of coffee, and watching fall happen out my window. My chest feels light with relief, and my heart is fluttering with joy and uplifting hope. Something about Fall in the mountains that just takes your breath away. The last few days have been outstanding. I battled and battled with a strange depression since I came back from my vacation a few weeks back. It finally broke, and I have relief, a sense of hope and joy, and a renewed direction.

There are a lot of things on my mind. I am having trouble sorting what I would like to talk about today. I have a had a lot of clarity the last few days, and I find hope in a new direction. Well, there is nothing new about it. It has been whispering in my ear, at times, even screaming, for my attention, and I keep blowing it off. I finally heard it this weekend, that path, calling me. It was profound and clear as a bell. I have been pursuing a dream, a mission really, called Rocky Mountain Rescue Ranch, for many years now. It’s intention is to help underprivileged community members get the support network they need to not be underprivileged any more. It is designed to teach people how to advocate for themselves, to get and keep a decent job, to get people stable enough to take care of themselves, long term, and to help place unwanted animals into the proper homes for them. It is a Christian environment, built to glorify God, as it was His wish that I do this. It is my intention, to honor His destination for me. I am sure He gets frustrated with me. I get it wrong. A LOT. Still, it is humbling that He trusts me enough to lead me to the underprivileged.

I have searched and searched for what is next. I have kept my eyes and ears peeled for every sign of where I belong. In my depression, I had some huge realizations. I attacked my clutter head first, and man does that feel great. Its still a work in progress, but every single day, the progress makes a difference in my life. I am slowly getting my organization and sense of calm back. I had the epiphany that hoarders are rarely, if ever, successful. Its just too chaotic to get anything done efficiently. It feels nice to be taking back my space.

My son was involved in a community service event this weekend. I went along, and it was a fantastic time. A blast was had by all. He did box city. Box city is a nationwide event, in which participants raise money and then sleep in a box in the park to raise awareness about homelessness. It brought tears of sadness and joy to my eyes. So nice to be with so many people who all hurt for the same kinds of things I hurt for. So nice to be actively trying to make a difference in the things that cause so much hurt, on a basic humanitarian level. I really hate to see ANYONE suffer. There is a bond among the participants at an event like that. A general understanding about the spirit of your neighbor. A safety. Oh….its so amazing, it really is beyond words. I am lucky to live in a community that puts community first, and I watched that blessing unfold beautifully his weekend. I also heard, loud and clear, the voice that has been whispering to me. I knew that it was time to back off from spay/neuter a little. I didn’t resign, I just handed a piece of my responsibility. I did open a lot of space in my life with that one little responsibility though, and two days later, I heard the voice again, this time over a loudspeaker, at a non profit event for the homeless. Duh! One thing I wondered is where I would find the families for my transitional housing program, for my “internships’. I figured the answer would come when it was time to know, so I put it on a back burner, and waited for a simmer. Today, I have answers to both of those questions, and I know where my services are needed next. How I will work with this non profit group to enhance a very beautiful program that already exists, and how they will help my program to grow and thrive. I look forward to contacting them, but I feel a strong call to get my home in the order it belongs before I do anything new. Oh the hope and joy….the anticipation of what may come. What a delightful place it is to be on this oh so dreary Rocky Mountain Fall day! Keeps me focused. Keeps me on task. Keeps me daydreaming about the days to come.  I look forward to the journey.

I want to write a post on basic human rights. Many people don’t even know what they are, so I feel it is important. However, its taking me a minute to wrap my brain around that, so watch for it. Meanwhile, may blessings my friends. May you all feel the joy and renewal of the season. Until next time…..