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RAW

Good morning folks. How is everyone today? I am raw. It has been a rough couple weeks, and I don’t even have a plan of attack for this post, just feel the need to write it. Since my husbands accident, life has been a roller coaster, ups, downs, and all arounds…

Today my weather is like a classic Montana day. One minute bright and sunny-ish, the next so gray and dreary, but its just weather. It will be different tomorrow. I am hoping its sunny and spring like, but if its not in the forecast for tomorrow, Spring will come eventually. It always does. Like the chives and daffodils poking up this chilly February day, sometimes we gotta live under the burden of snow. Yet, I know that when the snow melts, there will be beautiful flowers and nourishing food that springs up. I know that the snow melting waters the plants, allows them to thrive. Can I face this latest tragedy with the knowledge that the snow will nourish the flower? It is my hope to keep that perspective. While I dont feel it is right to divulge the latest tragedy here, I do feel the urge to compare it to the turmoil of spring. The ups and downs of waiting for the dreary days to pass and the flowers to bloom. I have spent many days daydreaming about my garden, and today, my tragedy transfers easiest into a garden comparison. I love to garden. I love the joy it brings to plant seeds in the ground, nurture and water them, and watch them grow, but I haven’t put a lot of thought into how much I NEED it. This last 24 hours have been filled with appreciation for my “garden”. I always knew I loved it, just never really fully understood how dependent I was on it. Those fresh veggies, they are my lifeblood. They nourish me, help me stay strong, give me a purpose, and while I knew all of that, I never realized how deep that love went. Not until the idea of an unhealthy garden presented to me. The idea of a garden I cant provide nutrients and health to is devastating. Its helpless. It is a fear that goes deep and intrinsic. I cannot lose the thing that keeps me healthy and nourished. I feel helplessness as I wonder what I can do to help it. I feel panic as I scan the internet for answers to this disease that is ravaging my garden. I desperately seek an answer to make it all better. It drives me to find an alternative, something that can kill any garden pest. I know that when I find just the right control, the pest will die and the garden will thrive once again. I look for a control that is natural, wont cause lasting damage to the ground or the plants. I found that my garden is on the  front of my mind, day and night. It takes precedence over all of the little details while I patiently (and sometimes impatiently) wait, and watch for the change from pest ridden to healthy, and then to blooming and nourishing. I feel the stewardship taking hold in me, and I want to reach out, scan the other beds. The flower garden, the herb garden. Make sure they are healthy, strong, and not being devastated by this pest. I want to wrap a protective coating around the more fragile plants, and help keep them safe till this storm passes. I find strength in that. In the notion that I can protect the others, keep them strong. Eases the helplessness just a tiny bit.

On a positive note, we may have found just the right property. The one I have been desperately seeking for so long. Just playing the waiting game now, to see if its ours. Like a garden, life is all about waiting for the fruits of your labor. I have labored hard and intensively, and I see the fruits ripening. I think it will be a blessed bounty, and look forward to the harvest. Until next time, may your garden grow fruitful, bountiful, and full of nourishment, and may your garden pests be kept to a minimum.

 

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The daze

Good day Folks! How is everyone today?

We have had a long and exhausting week, but all in all, good. Poor hubby tried to remove a hand with a grinder, at work, on Thursday, and had surgery to repair it yesterday, so you can imagine how exhausted we all are. He is on the mend now, and I am still on the search for the right property for us.

It seems that everyone is fighting something this last week, and I wonder how much the season wrapping up has to do with it? It seems everyone is so emotional and ready for Spring.  I know I cannot stop daydreaming about my garden, and wondering if we will find something before its too late to get a good start. I have daydreams of rows and rows of brassicas and tomatoes. I can’t wait to hear the birds singing first thing in the am. I look forward to more melty days than frozen ones, and I imagine that being cooped up is making everyone a little more emotional than usual.

I have done deep soul searching with many of my friends this last week. People keep telling me I should be a therapist. No thank you! While I love sharing my insights, I imagine sitting in an office all week listening to peoples hardships, is a thankless job, and quite heavy on the heart many days. In all of our struggles this week, I have been able to feel the hand of God holding a bubble of protection around us, as if He knew we were gonna need this week, and this trauma, to go as smoothly as possible, and I felt Him just kinda guide us through it smoothly. It was quite wonderful to be so aware of His presence through it all. A lady even bought my lunch for me when I forgot my wallet in the waiting room. I keep thinking I want to call the sandwich shop, and leave a message for her (she was a hospital employee, and the cashier knew her name), and leave a message for her, that at the moment she bought my lunch, it was like an angel just swooped down right from Heaven to take care of me. The most ironic part is that the cashier called her an angel.

I really feel a sense of satan trying to attack and distract us, and I am blatantly aware that he is causing the struggles and hardships, and I can feel my Father, holding him back at arms length, just outta reach. I am immensely thankful for that protection. I have a slew of emotions to evaluate, but don’t really have the energy to process them. Looks like some deep journaling is in my near future. I know that the right house for us is out there, and all I can really focus on is finding it. I am going to spend my day packing and preparing, because I hope to get on with it as soon as possible. I wonder if it is worth it to start my indoor plants? I have so many containers, I could really just do a container garden, and take it with me if it takes too long to find a place. Clearly, I am just needing a place to process random thoughts today. Hopefully, I will find a place before it is time to start indoor starts, and it will be a non issue. Oh I have gardening on the brain!

I just walked into my sons room and found my client removing screws from my sons laptop. How do you spell caniption? I had a straight up fit! Looking forward to moving forward. All in all it is a wonderful day. I have a general feeling of exhaustion, but I know it will pass as the rest and recovery ensues. I hope you all have an incredibly blessed day, and can feels the arms of protection around you too! Till next time….