Today I question the appropriateness of a blog entry. I have been itching to write to you all, and yet, holding back for some reason. My subject matter is heavy. Bright, but heavy. I have a desire to share my love of The Word with others. I am fascinated by the intricacy of this book. The way it comes to life for me is fascinating, and I am enthralled by it. I have a heaviness about the things I see happening around me in the world today, and a joy the squashes it, and thinks about what a nice job Jesus will do with Earth. I have several girlfriends who are being convicted, right now, this week and month. I find myself feeling like I want to bring other Christian women to some of these conversations, and my how the idea of reading Bible Studies and sharing them with other women appeals to me. And so, a Bible study book club is born. It is an online thing, and I have high hopes for it. I believe that we will have a lot of fun growing in God together, and I am uber excited to get started. I cannot wait to see where this takes us. There has been an abundance of violence and disturbance in our tiny little country community, and we are all a bit rattled, but this Bible study is keeping me focused on a very positive light. I have a million little thoughts in my head. I laughed at satan and said “how gullible do you think I am” the other day. It felt good to laugh at him, to be able to say to him that Jesus loves me, and I am protected from him, so please take you ugly self away from here. I know, it sounds weird, but it is a tactic that works good for me when he meddles.

I have received a lot of compliments lately. I mean real compliments, the kind that humble you to your core and make you wanna say, “no, I am not that good” blush blush.  The kind of compliments you know are genuine, but still slightly uncomfortable, in a “your giving me too much credit” kinda way. I have gotten these compliments from women I really admire, women I aspire to be like one day.  I have pondered fearing the Lord alot the last few days, well, much longer really, but it has been on the surface in an undeniable way the last few days.  I thought I was missing something, after all, I love and trust Him so much, how could He ever hurt me? God is love. I just couldn’t wrap my brain around fearing Him, until a discussion with my mother in law made me realize that when I was praying to Him about it, I also asked Him to please not show me, cause I knew what He could do. Puts the word fear in perspective, at very least. I am not afraid of my Father, because I respect and love and treasure Him, but I try very hard not to let him down. I certainly have a fear of disappointing Him. If I was not aware of my actions, and constantly trying to improve on them, I might have a different kind of fear for the Lord, but I don’t think that is meant to be a frightening statement. He is our Father. He does not want us to be frightened. He wants our reverence and respect. He wants us to fear what He can do if we forsake Him.  Like when you do something wrong as a child, you are afraid of the repercussions, the consequences, and you might even get a spanking, “oh man, I hope dad doesn’t find out”. His consequences are there to teach a lesson, but he wont really hurt you. I realized, not so recently, that few people grasp the concept of unconditional love. It is exactly that, unconditional. It means that He loves you. Real, genuine, true, honest, parental love. Nothing changes unconditional love. It has no conditions. I have thoughts of joy, sustainable joy. Oh how I long to describe sustainable joy to my girlfriend and have her hear what I am saying. I have a sense of peace, and a sense of doom. One person in my life repeatedly tells me that every generation has thought they were part of end times, but I really, truly, think it is here. And I have always avoided doomsday stuff, I just don’t jump on that bandwagon, but how many obvious signs can I ignore before I become worse than gullible, in denial? In the doom and catastrophe that signals, I feel joy squashing it down. I feel desperate to lead my friends to The Word, so they can find that key to the lock on the joy door. I am excited about watching Christians grow, and I have a multitude of thoughts that I desire to share, which would not make sense here, but you get the point. My brain has been all wrapped up in this Jesus loving place, and the thoughts that have been going through my head are mostly too heavy for a simple blog. My levels of gratitude and peace are at an all time high, and I just feel so dang blessed I don’t even know how to contain it. I am so thankful for every blessing. Trials and tribulations are just that, and the blessings always blanket them in a layer of tolerability. I am thankful for that. I am thankful for opportunity, for the compost that is my gardens foundation. I am thankful that God always seems to give me some great set of words when I need them the most. I can see Him using me, in two very unique lives, and I can see how I am specially designed to reach them, and WOW! that is flattering to the core.  I am sure a lot of folks get tired of hearing me go on and on about God, Jesus and the Bible, but I am way, way past the point of caring about that. This joy is too much to contain, so I am spilling it out. I am not looking to please anyone but God. Without Him, I would not have this peace and joy, amidst so much darkness and evil. Well, I suppose, enough of that for today! Many blessings all. Until next time…

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