Well, I have landed safely back at my home, and WOW! My brain is full of culture shock! I can’t even begin to process, I have tried to fathom writing it out, and I just can’t wrap my brain around anything, it seems. My best girl bud is gonna come over and process through some of it with me, and I am hoping that an interactive conversation about the things weighing heavy on my mind will help my find order in my head again. I am full of symbolism and imagery, but those things don’t put order to the feelings and thoughts I am processing through. I am more thankful than ever for my mountain life. I learned one thing for sure this week, or had it confirmed at least. I am mountianfolk to the core, and so is my son.
He and I had a lovely vacation. Probably the best trip to the place I used to call home that I have ever had, however, it was still a place that I was very happy to leave. I am thankful for mountains, and the way of life up here. That renewed a lot of my Christian spirit and left me ever so thankful to our dear Creator. I have an overwhelming mix of gratitude and peace, all wrapped up with some icky stuff that place left in me, and I am trying to sort through all of that, hold on the the peace, throw away the icky, make sense of it all, and move forward with my life, like I was so anxious to do before I left.
I had an experience on the reservation that broke my heart, but touched something, and all of a sudden I want to add to my rescue ranch plans. I am not sure how, but I have to find a way to get involved with animal rescue on the reservations. We saw a couple dogs, wild dogs, with porcupine quills in their noses. There is no animal control to call, and those poor dogs are eating trash out of garbage cans at a truck stop. It grabbed a heartstring very deeply, and I think I was supposed to have that helpless feeling, supposed to see those dogs, and supposed to help make a difference in that way. I don’t know but it breaks my heart so badly that I have to do something. I spent the evening thinking about those two dogs, who I could send after them, how I could get them help, and I just could not come up with a reasonable solution, and a task force dream is born. I will be praying very deeply on that issue. I can feel the desire to plan and move forward breaking through the fog that is my thought process, and it feels good. Slowly, the reality of my dreams and desires is coming back to me. Why does that place trigger the feelings it does, even after my demons have been confronted and I no longer dread going there? I was so happy to go back, after having faced my demons. Nothing at all to dread about the place, and yet, three days in and I was desperate for mountain air. It was the best trip back ever. We had a great time, did many fun things, had an incredible time with my son. Bonded like crazy with my sister. Didn’t get to spend near enough time with mom, but kinda anticipated that. I enjoyed my visit, all the while, desperate for mountain air and mountain folk. I am so incredibly thankful for my life!
I guess I get to spend the next few days untangling the wiring in my head, but I anticipate great discoveries about myself in the process. Looking forward to down time and the ability to process moving forward….until next time my friends, many blessings!