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Its official!

Yay! Today is a day to celebrate. Today is the day I officially became the registered owner of Rocky Mountain Rescue Ranch. The business license is final and I feel that today is a landmark day in my life. So thrilled that this is all happening so fast now that we have found the space we need. It’s a wonderful affirmation of God’s intentions for me to see it falling into place so smoothly. Things are going well. Obviously, finances are always tight when you are trying to start a new business venture, but I just keep praying and knowing He will provide a way! I am now in the process of looking for grants to get some of these programs really moving. Its a tedious task, there are so many out there, but so many restrictions in each one. Also, it costs money to apply for grants. Just small handling fees, but every 7 or 10 dollars I spend registering for a grant is 7 or 10 dollars I don’t have for rescue ranch supplies. Its a tough balance, and since I cant remember ever winning anything in my life, I really have a hard time investing in grants. It feels a bit like buying lottery tickets, I may as well burn my money or flush it down the toilet. I hope God proves me wrong. I have put in for two grants and a wish program from Intuit, as well as registering for things like the Mother Earth News chicken coop giveaway. One thing I am really struggling with is  how to finance single moms. I have a mother who has called me twice, and is in desperate need of respite care. I want desperately to offer her services, but I simply cannot afford to feed an extra mouth these days. This house increased our cost of living a lot. It opened numerous doors that allow us to grow, but the getting established part makes me wish money grew on trees. So many needs. How does one go about getting a fund set up to cover the costs of providing care to a child just because her mom desperately needs the help? Where does the money for that come from. Finding things for the ranch, that is not too bad. We can source most things used for free or cheap, not all though.  I have placed a request with a local bee supply company for some of the necessary supplies for the bees, and suits so that the children who visit can participate too. Still waiting to hear back and hoping that the delayed response means that they are considering my request. There is an overwhelming need for many things to get this rescue ranch really able to serve the greater community, but on a small level it really is taking off. I am in the process of registering my services with several organizations in the area who work with special needs and autistic kids, in an attempt to reach out for more respite clients.

I started this post days ago, but life has been so incredibly springtime busy that it may take me days to accomplish this one. The business is coming along so nicely, and I can feel the hand of God in my life every day as I move forward with this business. I had to turn away a defeated single mother the other day and it broke my heart. She needed emergency services at the last minute, and I was already booked, but I think all she heard was I can’t help you, rather than the I can’t help you right this minute but lets get a meeting scheduled so I can in the future. I think the thing that was really defeating her was feeling like she couldnt afford services. I have been searching and searching for some funding so that I can create a program that offers scholarships to the parents that cant pay. I wish I could offer free services to some of these parents, but holy cow it is expensive. Little costs here and there make it cost prohibitive to just give free services. How on earth do I find someone to sponsor funding so I can offer scholarships. Just a small scholarship would make such a huge difference in so many peoples lives, and I just dont know how to get it. It has taken a few months to adjust to being so far from town, and we love the adjustment. I am making more wholesome food, spending way less time and money at the grocery store, and eating much more healthy homemade food, consistently now. I feel like its a constant search and I just need one person to say yes. How do I find someone who has a desire to support this program financially? I guess I just keep looking.

We need a well water test, the business license just came, fingerprinting for background checks, insurance, all the little costs just keep adding up. I have nothing but Faith. God has been so present the last few weeks, I can feel and see Him all around me, and it is purely by Faith that I haven’t had a nervous breakdown about finances yet. I just know He will provide, somehow. I am in the process of setting up a website for the rescue ranch, and an email exclusively for rmrr business. Its coming along so fast now that I am even being assigned to mentor a family that has been through homelessness through a local non profit agency who has a mentorship program I volunteer for. It just feels so much like the training I need for the internships to happen in a few years.

I love spending my days in the kitchen, processing food and baking and cooking. I haven’t had tons of time for this, as it is spring and spring is busy, but I have done some things, jerky, fruit leather, some homemade oreos. Looking forward to trying lots of new kitchen goodies. My first batch of Kombucha is done and I look forward to learning a lot more about how God intended for us to eat, and fermented foods. That is quite exciting for me.

I need to spend some serious time organizing and getting myself on a workable track, its going by so quickly that its hard to make sure I get all the details. I am also spending a lot of time trying to get some of the items we need donated so that I can spend the money we do have on the physical bills. Its tedious work, asking over and over for companies to donate supplies, but I know if I just keep trying, someone, somewhere will hear me asking and believe in this cause. For now, life is hectic and I have spaghetti to make, so in an attempt to finally get this post published, I will leave you with that for an update. More as soon as I find time my friends. In the meantime, many blessings to you and yours!

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New property

For days I have been dying to jump on here and give you folks an update, but I am so wonderfully overwhelmed, that it is hard to figure out where to start. Lots has changed since my last post. We moved into a larger space and the business is finally really taking off. Spring is so busy around here. Getting all the plants in the garden, getting business structured for this house and set up, networking new clients and jumping through all the red tape that comes with owning a business, its keeping me busy, but the best part today is the bee’s. The bee’s are absolutely amazing. Phenomenal. Indescribably cool.  I am proud of them for making their way over the house to the pear tree on the very first day. They are so smart. The buzz that they make is so relaxing it’s nearly cathartic. The closest I can come to describing them is that it must be a tiny glimpse at what standing next to God would feel like. Senses overwhelmed with joy, there is a deep earthy scent surrounding them, like concentrated honey I suppose, and the hum, oh the hum, such an overwhelming sense of calm the hum instills. Its really just like all is right with the world and you can feel the creation in them. Amazing creatures for sure!

This wonderful new space has come with many of its own quirks. We love it here, there is a general sense of peace that we have lacked until this point. It feels the opposite of our last place. It is bright, sunny, cheerful, tidy, peaceful, relaxing and good to come home to. There is a sense of freedom with not having neighbors close by, like no one will complain about my compost bin and bees. However, there is a landlord to appease, and this particular landlord REALLY cares what the lawn looks like. Ok, I am fine with that, I enjoy doing lawncare, should be fun. Here is where things get interesting. Mowing was fairly successful, although I am using a tiny push mower to mow a three acre yard, and quite frankly, its alot more like mowing pasture than yard. Cant wait to get my hands on a riding mower, or even an industrial sized push mower. For now, we make do with what we have and hope that someone needs to replace and old one soon or something. If I was a superstitious woman I would cross my fingers, but instead I will pray pray that God hears my landlord demanding a neatly kept lawn and find a way to equip us with the things we need to keep her happy. I finished mowing half the yard, and went to get the trimmer, only to find that it is not only broken, but electric, and this house doesn’t come with outlets on the outside. Now what? How does one weed eat a three acre yard with extension cords? So, Father, please hear my prayer for a gas powered trimmer too! Lol, I feel so thankful that He has blessed us with this place, but it leaves me begging him for the supplies I need to manage it effectively. I am not picky, happy to take hand me downs it should be an easy task for Him and I together. I have received the business cards I ordered, Thank you MOM, for all your hard work on those!  Business license is in the mail, and bee’s are happily installed in their hives. Garden is long overdo for cool season crops and that is high on my agenda. Greenhouse plants are thriving wonderfully, and I really have no complaints, just blessings. I have discovered a wonderful program called Bountiful Baskets, and if it is available in your area I highly recommend you try it out. http://bountifulbaskets.org/ . I order a basket of vegetables every Monday and pick it up on Saturday. It’s a great deal. They try to include six types of fruit and six types of veggies in each basket, and there are add-ons available as well. As an average, I save approximately 30-40 dollars a week on produce using this program. My son is snacking almost exclusively on fruits and vegetables, which is a lovely change for us, and my Husband appreciates all the new foods I am making because I have new vegetables that I wouldn’t normally buy or that I would buy only when planned in a meal. I cant stress enough how lovely the program has been so far. I have participated three times now, and I am anxiously awaiting picking up my third basket on Saturday. One thing we have effectively done is learned to go to the store far less often than we used to, also a nice change. I am processing foods at home, making healthy food choices, and learning to ferment even.  I started my first batch of Kombucha last Thursday. Yesterday I was able to put up 6 lbs of strawberries and a few lbs of venison jerky. Today I am making squash chips, which I, for some reason, am having an incredibly difficult time with. They just wont come out right. Either mushy or burnt, no happy medium. I followed the very simple instructions to a T, even confirmed with a girlfriend who makes them, and she said hers turned out wonderful. Still, I am struggling through it and hoping to master the process by the time I have worked through these three squash. Any tips would be appreciated.

I am dealing with the professional aspects of being a caregiver. Of reminding myself that I have no business judging others parenting styles, that I too make plenty of mistakes. I am learning how to turn this tiny service into a business that requires contracts and medical release forms, and I am even in the process of getting my business insurance, just waiting on the call back to activate it. I am so busy that my muscles ache from lack of sleep. Still, I am happy. Pleased that I am given the opportunity, and that we found a house that suits us as well as it does.

This house is expensive. Very expensive. I am not sure how, but we manage to scrape it together every month. I do know how, Thank you Father! I look forward to a time when we are ready to look at purchasing a  place of our own, but happy to be renters for now. So much less burden than owning. I have been working on fundraising opportunities for the ranch. As small as it is, they are limited, and spreading the word is hard. I will post a couple links, and if any of you feel so compelled to vote for me (it only takes a minute), or share my funding page with others, I would be eternally appreciative! The first fundraising site that I have been using is GoFundMe. Its an online site where a person can create a site asking for help with specific items. I have raised a little money through there, and recently updated our wishlist for things we need now. The link to my site there is: http://www.gofundme.com/obn80.

The second site I am using at the moment, is Intuits WISH program, where they grant 15 people a wish for their small business. The prize is $5000 towards your wish. It would be a blessing if you would vote for me there. You can vote once a day, and they are granting one wish a day for 15 business days. 6 have already been granted. To find my page there you search for rocky mountain rescue ranch. I have been most successful finding it when using all lowercase letters. https://www.loveourlocalbusiness.com/. I also applied for a couple of grants online and of course entered the Mother Earth News drawing for the chicken coop. One can hope, right? Meanwhile, I have been keeping my eyes and ears peeled for any ranch materials and lawncare equipment that we can source almost anywhere, thrift stores, garage sales, craigslist and freecycle are all on my list of places to find ranch goodies! Yesterday I found a dog run free in someones driveway. I went to the door, explained my husband had the truck, and could we come back for it. he told me to take the free sign and hardware so no one took it, but by the time husband got back to take the panels, someone had snagged them. Talk about bummer, AND, i now have dog kennel hardware, and no kennel panels, while the person who took the panels has no hardware. Talk about bum deal! Was quite excited to have found a cage to put around chicken coop or bees to protect from predators at night. Felt that God was just handing me goodies, but it was snatched away as soon as it fell in my lap. Not meant to be I guess. Husband is doing some work for a friend who needs an air conditioner, and while we own four of them, we both hate air conditioning and have never installed them, so he may trade us a piece of lawncare equipment for an air conditioner. It would be a fantastic trade for all involved. I am living and working in a trading circuit and I love it, but I also pray hard for the financial freedom to purchase the things we cannot trade for.

I can’t get over the bee’s. I approached my husband tentatively about wanting to keep bee’s probably three years ago. I figured he would think I was nuts, and that I had enough crazy hobbies, but instead he embraced the idea, which is great, because he needs a hobby badly. Regardless, The time has come, bee’s are here. I was so excited, but from his reaction I would say that I have to give in and let the bee’s be his. Of course everything is ours, and one cannot own nature, but, he has taken to them like a bunch of babies, even named them Bob. Grin. I still can’t get over how amazing they are. How proud of them I feel when I see them do something phenomenal. Oh I wish I could put into words the calm and content they bring. I love that I can sit on my porch ten feet from the pear tree, listening to hundreds of bee’s joyfully collecting pollen from those blossoms. They don’t even notice us. The first night, they were incredibly active, and we kept a close watch on them. There is a distinctive distance you can be to the hive where they pretend you dont exist, but the minute you cross that boundary, inquisitive guards swarm you, sniffing curiously, as if to ask if I am friend or foe. One of my friends imagined it to be empowering, but I would say it is the exact opposite, profoundly humbling. We have had bees for a few days, and I am sure that we are hooked for life. Never have I seen something bring such joy to my husband, and I feel quite the same. Even my sensory challenged son, who cannot stand bugs above all else, came and hung out with us with no bee suit. Thousands of bees swarming around our heads and not one sting. Amazing! Hubby and I are borrowing bee suits from our bee mentors, but son is impatiently begging for one of his own so that he may participate in the handling of these fine critters. They are clearly one of Gods finer creations.

I give up on the squash chips. I failed that challenge and not looking back, happily. I am going to have to try something different. Nothing is working. So, in the past couple months, we have had a few challenges, but all in all, Rocky Mountain Rescue Ranch is finally taking off. We have simplified our lives greatly, and yet they are busier than ever. Loving life, counting our blessings, and facing one challenge at a time. It is so uplifting to finally see it all coming together. Until next time, many blessings my friends!

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Faith. Patience. Acceptance. Forgiveness.

I have a confession. I have found the key to happiness. It is such a simple concept, and yet, so hard to wrap your mind around. Today, I feel compelled to try to put it out there, and if just one persons grasps it, I am content. I have spent years, searching for answers, healing past hurts and traumas, seeking therapy and soul searching. I have explored many spiritual outlets, I spent many years as an unhappy single parent to an undiagnosed special needs child. I went from being the most responsible 16 year old you ever met, to being a complete failure as a parent and woman. I hit rock bottom. I blamed others. I looked at others behaviors and said things like “I am a better person than them, so why am I doing so horrible and they get all the breaks?” Guilty as charged! I also believe deeply in accountability for oneself, and while I am not proud of my behaviors and judgements and blame, I also own my responsibility for it. I sought redemption from myself at every intersection, in every doorway. I saw many, many therapists. Two of whom made big impacts with little statements. I have talked about these life altering statements before, but have never put them all together in one sentence. I was talking about a friend today about Faith, Patience, Acceptance, and Forgiveness. I was like, “can’t you see, its the key to happiness?” I decided it needed to be processed further, and here we sit. I truly believe that anyone who can deeply grasp these four concepts can find true, peaceful, contented, happiness. When you truly sit back and evaluate the people in your life who are happy, you find find that they have things in common. It is not money, a bigger house, more or less kids, a nicer car. It is far less tangible than that. I hope to help you define those attributes that a genuinely happy person consists of.

Don’t get me wrong, I still have good days and bad. What that means is that I enjoy the blessings and trouble free days more than I ever have, and even though I still have “weather” in my life, I am content that I will survive the storm, and when it is all said and done and I look back at the damage, I will have wonderful things to show for it. What I am trying to say is that I have peace. That no matter what happens, I am at rest in my spirit and soul. I know that this too really shall pass and I am going to come out better for whatever turmoils I face. I know that I am cared for and loved. I understand how to validate rather than control people. I have learned how to accept people for who they are, and that they are only using the tools they have. You cannot expect any more than that from someone. Clearly, the secret to happiness is a hard subject, and I keep wanting to get distracted, take a little side road, but those side roads are irrelevant, as they come naturally with learning the key to happiness. Bear with me as I try to stay on a straight path here.

Lets just start with Faith. It took me years and years of hard legwork to find the pieces of this puzzle, that when assembled, equals happiness. I hope to save you some of the work. You have to be open to Faith. Faith is key. I am a Christian. I studied many faiths, and this is the one that fit for me. One part of me feels obligated to tell you that Jesus is the WAY, the TRUTH, and the LIFE, but the part of me that deeply understands that journey, will not let myself push that on you, so just understand this. Having FAITH, it gets you through. It helps you understand that you are not alone, that you are loved, that you have an army at your side, that no matter how low you feel, how alone it may seem, how misunderstood you may feel; someone, something, somewhere, gets it to the core. It gives you strength, vision, drive, and desire to please and live a good, honest life. It holds you up when you cannot hold yourself. Wherever you find your faith, you won’t find happiness until you learn to trust it completely. You have to one hundred percent fully submit yourself to it, trust it, and let it be your light. Without Faith, you will struggle to achieve the other three goals.

Which brings us to patience. Patience, as anyone who owns an ounce of it will tell you, is completely dependent on Faith. It is like a ragged board that takes years and years of trials, tribulations, errors, and mistakes, to sand smooth. It is often difficult even for those most practiced in it. It is the ability to let go and just believe that it will be ok, that this too shall pass. It is the knowledge that everything works out with time. That there is a grand plan and it you will get there. Patience gets us through tragedy, heartache, and loss. It gets us through joy and festivity. It is difficult to sit and wait for this feeling to pass, for that joy to come. It is human nature to want it NOW! Teaching ourselves how to breath through it, how to slow down and take a long look at it, will save us so much frustration and energy. Being able to let the anxiety go and just Accept that things will work the way they are supposed to, or that your child will eventually go to bed, or that that job will come when it is supposed to, that is all a part of Patience and in order to have patience, we have to have Acceptance.

Acceptance of what is, what has been, and what is to come. Acceptance of everything that is real. We have to accept our Faith, wholeheartedly, believe we will be taken care of by our greater good. We have to accept the mistakes that people in our lives have made, and realize that all we can work with is the tools we have, and we all have different tools. We have to accept that our crimes are no more or less heinous than our neighbors and mothers and fathers, only different. If we all had the same tools, and lack thereof, imagine the chaos in the world. It takes all different types of tools to get all different types of tasks done. It certainly takes different tools to be a banker or doctor, than to be a respite care provider or dog handler, and with each tool, you have strengths and weaknesses. Sure you can pound a nail with the back of a wrench if you have to, but it would be so much more efficient to use a hammer. In the same sense, good luck adhering a screw with a hammer. It could probably be done by force, but it causes way more stress than using the appropriate tool. People are the same. Each has tools, and all tools have uses, some work better than others for certain tasks, but none is more valuable than then next, depending on the task at hand. Asking a banker to handle special needs kids is like asking a dog walker to run a bank. The sooner you understand that we are all doing our best with the tools we have, the sooner you will truly and deeply understand Forgiveness. When you have Forgiveness, you have completed the puzzle, and every relationship in your life will thrive. You will find peace and contentment no matter what storm is brewing. You will know that your shelter will keep you safe from the storm, and that you have the appropriate tools to clean up the mess afterwards. You will find genuine happiness.

Forgiveness is HARD! Forgiveness is such a simple concept, that I think we spend all day overthinking it. Forgiveness doesnt come with “buts”. “I have forgiven him BUT…”. It doesnt come with blame. It doesnt come with anything but acceptance of the offending action. It is a sensitive but important subject. Lets talk about moms. In my understanding from therapy, and from what I have observed working with people, it is natural to blame our moms. Mom is hard, its sensitive. Dont get defensive and Say BUT MY MOM REALLY WAS …… whatever it was that you think she did to you. Your mom loves you! No matter what mistakes she made, no matter how many failures. I PROMISE you, she loves you. She may hate herself, but she loves you. She did her best. She worked with the tools she had. She never, ever wanted to fail you. It was not once ever a dream of hers to let you down. Forgive her, she is only human! Accept that she worked with the tools she had. Every mother, every father, every single human being on this planet, makes mistakes, and works with the tools they have. We all strive to be good people, even those who are not perceived that way. When someone fails at doing morally “correct” (from OUR perspective), it is because, sometime, somewhere, a tool they desperately needed, failed them. Accept them, have compassion for whatever on Earth it was that could have gone wrong to perceive that behavior as ok. Question your own perspective. Is your moral solid, maybe you are judging someone for something others find completely acceptable. We are all different. We all have certain size tool shed, some better equipped than others. Let others have dull tools, and you will feel more compelled to help them sharpen, and less compelled to condemn them. When you accept peoples actions and behaviors intrinsically, forgiveness comes naturally.

There are, of course, little details that come naturally in the developing of these habits, that fit in the puzzle, but focusing on them is not pertinent, as they will come naturally as you grasp the former. Empathy, understanding shame and validation, letting the little things go, are all examples of skills you will naturally grow, as you travel and explore the road to happiness with only those four directional signs. You can see how one naturally leads to the other, and how it is an impossible puzzle if one piece is missing. I encourage you to think about these things with an open mind. Allow them to grow in your heart and in your head. It only takes a seed of faith to grow a tree full of life. Start with Faith and allow yourself to breath the fresh air of relief that comes with this journey! May you find many blessings along the way!

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Peace and satisfaction (or daydreams of my ranch)

Hey Friends!

It has been so long! So much has happened, and so many details, that are just really not worth it. I am finally feeling the drive to write again. Lately it has been tough. Been angry about my little friends cancer, frustrated with my current home situation, and looking to get this rescue ranch off the ground. I have had a myriad of epiphanies, and we are so close to moving forward. Things are great with my family, but we are dying to move into a ranch where we can expand the business. Our current home is a money pit, it sucks so much from us in upkeep, we cant seem to save a penny to move forward. Its coming though. I see the light at the end of the tunnel. The finances may finally be there for us. I had a big week of epiphanies that I am not trying to start a business. The business has been operating for quite some time now, I am just looking to expand it to a larger venue. That was a pretty big day for me.

I am fighting illness. Have had the flu twice since Christmas, and now what appears to be pneumonia. I am treating it with homeopathics and I feel quite a bit better. I am on a one track mindset to get this ranch up and running, I can see, smell, hear, feel, and taste every aspect of it. I have daydreams of in-laws at Christmas and kids in the yard. I can smell the woodstove and see the beautiful rows of jars stacked up all neatly in my pantry. Images of orchard trees dance in my head. I see rows and rows of beautiful raised beds full of tomatoes and peppers and every other veggie I can think of. I hear the cluck cluck of the chics as I take them their scraps, and I hear the hooves of horses hurrying to the barn for their grain.

I smell the dew on the early morning ground, and the coffee and breakfast in the kitchen. I see people milling around, a safe place, a social and joyous place. I look forward to feeding the masses on a big ole ranch table.

I can hear the music of the farm, wafting in the background, as I meander through my daily routines, and greet my various wards of the day. I can hear the whir of the dehydrator, and the chirp of the birds, meshing to make one beautiful song.

I look forward to the simplicity of growing my veggies, all of them, not to mention it is the end of January, and I have gardening on the brain any way.

I am making a cough syrup. No science to it really, just honey, onion, garlic, cayenne, and ginger, simmered till the onions are soft and strained. it sounds surprisingly delightful. Some say honey loses some of its health value when cooked slowly, others say it enhances it. i am not really sure either way, but I don’t know how else to infuse it quickly, so I may just try making the non cooked version over the next couple weeks, and compare. The non cooked version is impractical for immediate relief of illness. I have illness now.

As far as RMRR goes, I have made tons of headway, and going down in the next week or two to register the business officially. I have a functional business plan, a beautiful logo,and I am working with a realtor looking for a contract for deed place that we can start off in. The realtor thought that with my mission we could find someone willing to do contract for deed, which would not only guarantee a few years of rent go to the principle on my home, but also that we wold not have to move the business in three or four years when we are ready to buy. That would be ideal, here’s hoping we can work it out. It would also be in the best interest of a seller with an empty house that is not moving, as they would be generating some income off the property in the meantime.

My thoughts move swiftly these days, and now I am onto envisioning a huge sunflower patch for the birds. I never had an interest in growing flowers, till it dawned on me that they are functional, more than just pretty. So many flowers, so many uses. This dream of mine is so close to reality, it gets hard to breath sometimes. SO very soon, I will be able to say “I did it” all buy myself, as a single mom with a special needs child, I made my dreams come true. Its breathtaking to think about.

I remember fondly, how great it felt to be working hard on the ranch. It is my goal to feel as good as I did then, with the added benefit   of knowing why my child is so unique to boot. I worked hard, had great muscle structure, ate well, slept well, went to bed exhausted, with the satisfaction of putting in a good, honest, hard days work. I was hungry at mealtime, and tired at bedtime. My body felt good from working hard day in and day out, doing things that I loved to be doing. I love the way ranch life stays the same on a basic level, but changes so fluidly from day to day. One day fences, the next a paint job. It’s never dull or boring. Always something new. Such a simple sense of satisfaction in knowing you spent the day tending Gods Earth and feeding His animals. Such a great sense of achievement when you tuck the animals in for the night, make sure the gates are all closed up tight and the tomatoes got enough water. The quiet that surrounds you as you prepare to bed down for the night, the sound of the coyotes in the distance the you know your animals are protected from. It is so rewarding and peaceful. Such a great sense of simple satisfaction overwhelms, as one drifts off into deep, restful slumber, knowing full well that in a few short hours, it all starts again.

I long for winter days in front of the sewing machine, the smell of a roast slowly baking in the oven. Its all so close I can feel it, and I am at peace for the moment. It has been a long journey, getting this piece of peace, but it is a wonderful and satisfying feeling. I truly look forward to sharing the adventures to come with you. In the meantime, have a blessed evening. Rest well.

 

 

 

 

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Ahhh, my friends, Fall is here. Well, this feels more like Winter, quite frankly. It has been snowing almost all week, and been quite beautiful at that. I have enjoyed every single flake that I have seen fall. There is so much going on, and I have been absent this last few days, but I found a moment to take a deep breath, and so, here I am. I had my eye on a place, and was feeling quite apprehensive about it, despite the fact that it was perfect for our needs. I had asked for them to work with me on a move in date, for Dec. 1, but she really wanted to rent it by Nov. 1. I knew we would not be ready by then, so I told her that if it was available on Dec. 1 we would take it, and if not, we would find something else. Today, I very apprehensively checked the rentals section, afraid that I would be devastated if it had been rented. Much to my surprise, when I looked and it was not there, I felt a huge sense of relief. Not only do I not have to worry about coming up with nearly 4000 dollars for December 1, but the Holidays are a terrible time to move, and ideally, January 1, would be a great move in date. I don’t believe in New years resolutions, but I do believe in new beginnings, and how fitting would it be to start the rescue ranch the first of the new year? Shocked and overwhelmed at the sense of relief that I have, waiting till January First, and oh, how pleased my husband will be to find that we dont have to move during the holidays. I have until January first to tie up some loose ends, and that is also a huge relief, plus, I just cannot packing this place up in a month, I just cannot fathom doing that, on top of everything else I am doing. We have a spay/neuter event on Nov. 10, that I am an on the planning committee for, and I have a potluck for my little friend with cancer tomorrow. I also have all this RMRR stuff I am trying to do, and a cancer awareness cookbook, and a few other fundraising type things. Good heavens. I feel like never in my life have I been attracted to technology, but never in my life, have I wanted a piece of equipment so badly. I feel a need to buy a tablet. Silly, I know. I have three different committees that I am on, a lot of meetings that I go to, and clients that I need to be able to bill on the go, and I am feeling like a tablet would go a long way in helping me organize it all, and keep it portable. I also have my Bible study to move forward on and well…its all a lot of details, really. Needless to say, I have been busy. Very, very busy. I definitely feel that it would be a business expense, but I am saving every penny, so I can get us into a ranch. I have made do with paper and pen this far in my life, never even really wanted anything but paper and pen, but dang, my binder has a lot of stinkin sections…its not very portable anymore, and well…you see where I am going with this. Anyway, I just might do it. Have to talk it over with the hubby, but I think it makes actual sense.

I have a lot on my mind with three non profits on my plate, and one just waiting in the wings for me to make time for them. I have business licenses and other connections to make. I have a whole lot of details going on. I am trying to do many, many things with my time, and my brain cannot see a list. It sees three lists, swirling around atop and below each other. A tornado of lists, if I may. I have tried to list them all, but the papers just stack up and I cant remember what I have written and what I still need. How do I get all of these details organized?

Once I get the three non-profits organized, I reach a place where I start thinking past them, to what comes after the event is established, and again find myself with a barage of details. Primarily with RMRR. I feel that as soon as I find a place, I need to start planning the respite and foster programs. I need to have everything in place for those to start right away, I need to plan the gardens and farmers market programs, quickly, cause planting is in march, at least for seed sets. I need to plan the RMRR store, and resource programs quickly also. Chickens won’t be far off, once spring rolls around it will be time to get them going. It feels like the next six months is going to be a blur, and yet, I have been waiting so long for this  that I am just as thrilled and patient as can be. Mostly, I am probably just too overwhelmed to be impatient. I can only assume God is using this opportunity to teach me how to juggle the many non-profit programs of my own that I intend to build. I finally found the courage today to make a phone call that I have been dreading. Nothing scary about it at all, I just couldn’t make myself call. Feels good to have faced that beast, and it turned out to be the kitten I thought it would be. Phew, check one more big one off the list.

I have this series of ideas I want to blog about. I learned a lot in therapy, and I think that a lot of people would be alot happier, if only they could grasp a few of these concepts. I also have some ideas about God and the Bible that I would like to share, some unique perspectives, I suppose. I feel as though I should do a “therapy” series. Maybe a “God” series. I certainly feel as though I should blog about some of the more important lessons I learned. A post specifically about being a “special needs mommy”. I always talk about my special needs child,a nd my special needs clients, but never do I talk about the ways in which I relate with these children, and I would like to explore the dynamic that happens when you learn just how easy it can be to “mentor” a special needs child when you understand treating people as individuals and letting go of expectations. I want to post about blame, and shame, and how we all like to think its “mom’s fault”. I would like to blog about shame, expectations, and codependency. I want to talk about the tools we have, and the “lizard brain”, or amygdala. I want to share a concept that was shared with me, and one that I heard someone repeat the concept to, in a very simple way, and how we all have different perceptions. I want to write a letter to all of the folks that I know who are fighting and fighting against simple, honest, real answers. To those who refuse to see whats in front of them, to the “can’t, won’t, but” folks out there. I want to make a plea for Jesus Christ, to those who have been shown, in such a misrepresentative way, what bits and pieces of the Bible say. I want to do so without condemning any organized religion. I want to talk about what it means to love Jesus,and quite frankly, a tiny bit of the anger of the denomination I was primarily raised in, well, that comes through, and I don’t wish to offend anyone. I want to talk to you about health, food, exercise, and a natural way of life, the way God intended.  So much I want to talk with you all about. Where does one start? What do you all want to read about? What are you curious about? Well, friends. Today, you can see, my mind is in a flurry. There is much that wants out, and the avenues for release are scarce at the moment. Until next time my friends…may your thoughts be organized and your days be blessed!

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Dynamics and emotions

What a strange dynamic I am in. It feels as though the worst and best things in my life are happening right now. On the down side, my best friends daughters cancer is back with a vengeance, and that is hard. On the other hand, RMRR is coming to fruition right before my eyes. We are planning to move December 1st, assuming we can find a place. That is so exciting, but it is weighted by the impending future of my little friend. I have learned so much about myself this last few weeks. I have a myriad of emotions that I don’t know how to sort. I have had a string of run in s with bullies, both in my life and in my childs. I feel as though God is trying to teach me to really stand my ground. I am ok at it, but I let people push me around sometimes, and well, I am improving my “standing my ground” skills. I am overwhelmed with a sense of urgency, and there are so many different wavelengths  paths, and thoughts in my head, that I am struggling to compartmentalize them all, even on paper. On the one hand, I am coordinating several fundraisers for my friend, and one the other trying to raise money for my own non profit dreams. It occurs to me that I am on the path to opening a cancer awareness non profit, but that was never in my plans. I guess Gods plans are rarely the same as ours. I have learned that I am incredibly competent at fundraising, that I don’t get stage fright speaking on a stage, to an audience, in a microphone. That was wonderful to learn. I have had so many great epiphanies about my capabilities, but the sadness and guilt that comes when you feel like you are not supposed to be getting so much good out of your friends tragedy. I have had anger, rage, hate, sorrow, joy, giddiness, and hope, shattered and replaced many times, this week. That is just the tip of the iceberg. I think I have used every single emotion I am equipped with , on multiple occasions, this week. I am in a place, where i feel God would not have equipped us with emotions if we werent meant to use them sometimes, and this is the week for emotions. Its slightly reminiscent of being on that bi-polar roller coaster, except that it is triggered by real life events that are beyond my control. Today, I work on my binder, get the new plans up and rolling. My logo is FINISHED! It is so beautiful. Next week I go down and register it. This is all coming together so nicely! Almost there kids…almost. I hope you all have a most blessed weekend! Until next time…

 

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Pretty exciting!

Well, this is pretty exciting. The fundraising page is slowly earning steady donations. Its not huge, not tiny. I have become comfortable with the idea of asking for help, have gotten great feedback. I even added a link on this blog.  I am starting to daydream on some of the realities of it. For the first couple days, I just watched, to see what would happen, if this was meant to be, or merely a fancy figment of my imagination? Its been just over two days, and I now have enough donations to feel confident that this is happening! I have been planning this rescue ranch for years, since the day I gave my life to Christ and He gave me my path. There has never been a more amazing moment in my life, and I have always known that this is really what God wants me to do. I have made mistakes along the way, but He always turns me gently back to the path. I know I will make more mistakes, but that He will always guide me, because I am doing this for Him, because I am sure it is what He wants me to do. Today, after years of envisioning it, of trying different ideas on paper and in function, after moving forward, falling backwards, and moving forward some more, I am finally seeing it come to fruition. I could not be more thankful to all the folks who have shown support along the way. I had a goal for a first donation, it was met, I had a goal for one hundred dollars, so that the page would go live on the search engine, and it was surpassed. I now have a third goal, and that is to raise enough to be able to start looking for a place. Oh how I long to start really, seriously looking. I am excited about this opportunity to fund raise this way. It gives me an opportunity that I otherwise would not have. I definitely got past the fear. I am excited, full of faith,and feeling the graces of God all around me. I look forward to sharing this part of the path with you. Of putting the trials, tribulations, blessings and joys of this adventure, out there for someone else to be inspired by. It takes courage. It is scary at times, hard at times, and incredibly fun and rewarding at times. I cry as many tears of joy as I do tears of frustration or sorrow, maybe more of joy even. I get ahead of myself, and then I get a taste of humble pie. Oops, check yourself girl! I pick myself back up, and I head out again. I will accomplish this, I am determined, and today, I feel the grace of God safely guiding me through it.

Today, I want to talk about Jesus for a minute. I may offend some, and I apologize if I do, but what I want to talk about is Jesus and Love. How Jesus is Love. They are the same. Do you ever hear a conversation, and well, it follows the normal thinking patterns of the natural person, but somewhere, deep inside it just feels wrong. I think that is Jesus speaking to us. I think that is our spirit, our hearts, telling us “this is not what Jesus would do”. I can give the example of immigration conversations off the top of my head, and this is where i think I may offend some. It is meant to be a simple example is all. do you think that Jesus would condemn refugees for coming across the border to hide here? I hear people making racist comments, or saying shameful things about someone, and even though it is accepted generally, that people may even have logical arguments, my heart says that Jesus would never, ever say something like that. Jesus is LOVE. What He utters is love, acceptance, patience, forgiveness, humanitarian efforts. He wants us to take care of the weak and unable. He wants us to love each other and pray for our enemies. Jesus loves everyone. He grieves for the sinners. He grieves for those who are unsaved, because He loves even them. Jesus is LOVE. I can’t get it out of my head and my heart today. I find the kind of love that Jesus exhibits in the humanitarian efforts that I participate in, and regularly think about how I want a heart just like His when I grow up. I love Jesus so very much. Thought for the day…Jesus is Love! Love is Jesus. Whichever way you measure it, I hope it opens a door of joy for you today! Many blessings my friends!

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Nerves settling

Good day my friends! Well, my nerves are settling from that crazy move yesterday. I have a little more clarity, it makes sense, and I am getting great feedback on the fundraising page. I have left the fear behind, and I am ready to see this grow. I learned I have to raise a certain amount for it to be available on the search page, so if any of you are interested in checking it out, here is the link. http://www.gofundme.com/obn80  Once it reaches one hundred dollars, it will be available from the search page. Meanwhile, its not so intimidating any more, and I am feeling pretty good about it. Its in God’s hands, and if this is what He wants me to do, it will raise the money, and if not, nothing really changes. I think though, after considering the epiphanies I have had this last week, that maybe there is a reason it went live yesterday without my intending to do so, and am feeling pretty full of faith about it. Thanks for listening through this scary part of the journey folks. I am glad I have come to the safe, not so scary part. I faced a huge fear yesterday, asking for help, and hoping people will believe in me. It is easy to believe in myself, I have God on my side, but asking others to believe in me, that is hard! Thanks for your support guys! I really appreciate you taking the time to listen. Until next time, many blessings….

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Crazy day!

Woohoo…two posts in one day. Its a crazy day! I had to come here. I had to talk to you folks. You see, I did something crazy today. I am nervous as can be about it, and don’t know why. I am hoping to find some affirmation that I did the right thing, I suppose. You see, I was raised that hard work is where it is at. That nothing comes for free. I have done so much hard work to get to the place where Rocky Mountain Rescue Ranch could provide for this community, but I am held back by lack of funds. Aren’t we all?  The problem I run into, is that it has to be a working, for profit ranch, that operates non profit programs off of it. Details, red tape, that kind of stuff. So, that makes fundraising very hard. I am sitting, waiting, getting up and happily putting one foot in front of the other every day. I ask my good Father what He wants form me for the day, and I do my best to achieve it. Today, while looking for a way to help a friend who is far away, I found something, or rather, re-happened across a page I found four months ago. GoFundMe.com is a page where you can do private fundraising. I was curious, started filling in the questionnaire  and before I knew it, I have  my own private fundraising site for Rocky Mountain Rescue Ranch. I really didn’t mean to go live with it, and before I knew it I got a page that said, Congratulations . Part of me is thrilled about this. Part of me is incredibly nervous. It can’t hurt, but I feel ludicrous asking people for help with the start up costs. Everything is ready, all we need is access to a ranch, and a few supplies, and we are on our way, and so, I have a wild mix of emotions about starting a fundraising page, but I am going to try it, because worst case scenario, nothing happens, and best case scenario, we finally get the center up and running for real. Oh someone tell me I am not crazy, please! Am I afraid of success? Is this a fear of rejection? Is it wrong to ask for help getting this community resource going. I have no doubt I can maintain it once I secure the grounds. I have no idea if this wild mix of emotions is self doubt, or fear of rejection, but I am facing it. Head on! Wish me luck folks.

 

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Delightfully dreary days…

Oh, what a delightfully dreary day it is! Woke up to snow and rain this morning, and could NOT be happier about it! Our air has been acrid with smoke for months. Its fairly warm out, the tomatoes and pumpkins are doing fine in the snow. Such a strange dynamic mountain life has, but OH, so refreshing. I am hanging out in fuzzy pajamas this morning, drinking a wonderfully warm cup of coffee, and watching fall happen out my window. My chest feels light with relief, and my heart is fluttering with joy and uplifting hope. Something about Fall in the mountains that just takes your breath away. The last few days have been outstanding. I battled and battled with a strange depression since I came back from my vacation a few weeks back. It finally broke, and I have relief, a sense of hope and joy, and a renewed direction.

There are a lot of things on my mind. I am having trouble sorting what I would like to talk about today. I have a had a lot of clarity the last few days, and I find hope in a new direction. Well, there is nothing new about it. It has been whispering in my ear, at times, even screaming, for my attention, and I keep blowing it off. I finally heard it this weekend, that path, calling me. It was profound and clear as a bell. I have been pursuing a dream, a mission really, called Rocky Mountain Rescue Ranch, for many years now. It’s intention is to help underprivileged community members get the support network they need to not be underprivileged any more. It is designed to teach people how to advocate for themselves, to get and keep a decent job, to get people stable enough to take care of themselves, long term, and to help place unwanted animals into the proper homes for them. It is a Christian environment, built to glorify God, as it was His wish that I do this. It is my intention, to honor His destination for me. I am sure He gets frustrated with me. I get it wrong. A LOT. Still, it is humbling that He trusts me enough to lead me to the underprivileged.

I have searched and searched for what is next. I have kept my eyes and ears peeled for every sign of where I belong. In my depression, I had some huge realizations. I attacked my clutter head first, and man does that feel great. Its still a work in progress, but every single day, the progress makes a difference in my life. I am slowly getting my organization and sense of calm back. I had the epiphany that hoarders are rarely, if ever, successful. Its just too chaotic to get anything done efficiently. It feels nice to be taking back my space.

My son was involved in a community service event this weekend. I went along, and it was a fantastic time. A blast was had by all. He did box city. Box city is a nationwide event, in which participants raise money and then sleep in a box in the park to raise awareness about homelessness. It brought tears of sadness and joy to my eyes. So nice to be with so many people who all hurt for the same kinds of things I hurt for. So nice to be actively trying to make a difference in the things that cause so much hurt, on a basic humanitarian level. I really hate to see ANYONE suffer. There is a bond among the participants at an event like that. A general understanding about the spirit of your neighbor. A safety. Oh….its so amazing, it really is beyond words. I am lucky to live in a community that puts community first, and I watched that blessing unfold beautifully his weekend. I also heard, loud and clear, the voice that has been whispering to me. I knew that it was time to back off from spay/neuter a little. I didn’t resign, I just handed a piece of my responsibility. I did open a lot of space in my life with that one little responsibility though, and two days later, I heard the voice again, this time over a loudspeaker, at a non profit event for the homeless. Duh! One thing I wondered is where I would find the families for my transitional housing program, for my “internships’. I figured the answer would come when it was time to know, so I put it on a back burner, and waited for a simmer. Today, I have answers to both of those questions, and I know where my services are needed next. How I will work with this non profit group to enhance a very beautiful program that already exists, and how they will help my program to grow and thrive. I look forward to contacting them, but I feel a strong call to get my home in the order it belongs before I do anything new. Oh the hope and joy….the anticipation of what may come. What a delightful place it is to be on this oh so dreary Rocky Mountain Fall day! Keeps me focused. Keeps me on task. Keeps me daydreaming about the days to come.  I look forward to the journey.

I want to write a post on basic human rights. Many people don’t even know what they are, so I feel it is important. However, its taking me a minute to wrap my brain around that, so watch for it. Meanwhile, may blessings my friends. May you all feel the joy and renewal of the season. Until next time…..