Distractions

Always a new distraction. So much on my mind. I used to make lists. Every single night before bed I made at least one, sometimes several, lists for the following day. I had a routine, got up early, long before anyone else, and got started on my list. My lists included everything, including the basic, mundane, daily tasks. I just find I am so much more clear headed and focused, and so much more productive, when I have it all on a list and don’t have to file it in my brain. I don’t swirl over the same thoughts over and over again. I just get one with the list. My lists are unattainable, more than one person could accomplish in a day, but whatever doesn’t get crossed off that day goes on that nights list for the following day. Well, when I hurt my back, this habit abruptly left me, as I was spending twenty hours a day in bed, and unable to complete the simplest of tasks on my own. Now, I have been back to life for a couple weeks, my pain is minimal, and I am fully functional. The problem with that is that my sleep schedule is inside out and upside down, there is NO sense of routine whatsoever, and even when I can get myself to make a list, I never force myself to get up early and follow through. I wish that summer was a more relaxing time. I am finding that heat really takes a toll on me like never before, and i hope I outgrow that in some “seven year cycle”. I have a pounding headache. I even resorted to headache meds, which I rarely do unless I just can’t hack it, but this is a full blown migraine. I am struggling with a very strange dynamic, of being highly impatient to find my ranch and move forward, but it seems like every day something forces me to puch it back a minute, and I am for some odd reason, completely content with that. Its as if I know it is here so I am willing to accept that and take my time, start looking when it feels right. I know we are so incredibly close to that point, so I am just ok waiting for it, and all of my plans now, include a move. Like planting grape vines in fifty gallon containers so they can be moved. Summer is so full of distractions. Today, I daydreamed about how great it would be to bundle up in winter clothes and play in the snow, but I think it was that part of me that appreciates the lack of distractions in the winter. I can’t focus! I started a Bible study, and got distracted. I have spay/neuter coming up, hubby surprises me with an unexpected trip home that always throws a tiny monkey wrench in things. I just feel like around every corner is a distraction. Something gets us out and about every day. The problem here is that I don’t want to be out and about every day. I want to spend a little time with my reclusive nature, get myself back on track. I want to spend some time in my journal, and in my crafts and that wonderful bounty of material I have in there. I have a plethora of beads that I just spent days sorting, and I want to bead like a crazy lady. My house is messy, oh so messy. I started packing some stuff we most certainly should not need before we move, even if it is three months from now, and it may be. I have small piles of stuff laying around everywhere, and every room seems so messy. It won’t take long to clean any of it, but focus…everything is so disrupted. i harvested my first batch of raspberries for the season tonight. Very pleasing. I watch every single days for cucumbers, tomatoes, peppers and squash. I am ready for harvest and preserve time. I am so looking forward to veggies I grew. They are always so much better.

I am so distractable these days. I don’t know how to make summer slow down for a minute. I can’t seem to get my sleep patterns into an efficient schedule, and that keeps me from doing anything efficiently. I am longing for a few days of Fall. I would love a slight chill in the air, and a good reason to say no to all of the endless summer activity, and yes to home. I love it when I can smell the dew rolling in off the mountains late at night, a slight breeze in the air, and thick with the scent of pine forest. As much as I know that any rancher reading this will shake their head at me, I love the sound of the coyotes talking to each other in the distance at night. I could spend days inside my head, talking about all the little thoughts, the things I am thankful for, the responsibilities I need to face, the lists I need to make and follow through on. I have a ton of hopes, dreams, wishes, and hangups just looming in the front of my brain like a jumble of chaos trying to find some sense of reason.

I have a sense of contentment, like one of these days will be free to regroup, darling, meanwhile, just keep doing what you gotta do and all will be well. I just keep moving forward but I feel as though the sense of longing has been fulfilled. I feel as though it is here, I just gotta take it easy and wait for it, because when it really gets here it will be a whirlwind.

DO you see how distractable I am? Like a child with full blown ADHD, every thought is as prevalent as the last and the next. I just long for focus, and a period of routine. I need to put all of these distractions aside and focus on the real goals here. I need to get back in site of my path, and keep moving forward….Oh, my friends…wish my luck finding my routine again! Until next time, God Bless!