I hesitate to write this post. I must be honest, I am afraid you will see the “real, raw” me. I have been in this funky mood for two days, and I finally feel the urge to write, but dang, the cynicism is overflowing in a way that I am not sure I want the public to see. My husband says…”your hilarious when you are irritated, i mean, not at me, but when it’s someone else, it’s funny”. He refers to my cynicism and sense of logic. I tend to be more cynical when people are not logical, and the simple but crushing wit entertains him. I am glad it doesn’t come out often…she is not the lady I want to be. She is mean, cold, cruel…calls it like it is with the blatant harsh reality that life is, and can somehow make others laugh doing it…but still, I don’t want to be like her. She has the power to wound people with her words. I want to be a woman who heals with my words and actions. I don’t want to be a woman who wounds people with my intelligence, logic, or wit. I want to use those gifts to serve the world, not shame people…so you can see my hesitation, in writing in this frame of mind. I woke up grumpy, again. Two days in a row of just being blah…
I had a really strange day, and my brain was stimulated in ways that I cannot even begin to put into words at this moment. I heard some of the craziest things ever today. I argued with a Christian…I am a Christian, and it was a frustrating discussion because he could not be rational. He warped everyone’s words to say things they were not saying at all, and when we responded, he just argued more nonsense, all the while, bullying these three women. I fear his judgement was the exact reason people turn away from Christianity…because of the judgement and lack of character he showed today. I was the only other Christian in the conversation, and had to argue with him that he was sinning just as severely as those he was judging…I still believe that I was successful at representing the Bible, and those women, who were not equipped to answer his demands about what the Bible says. Telling a non-Christian what the Bible says is really a moot point, as they don’t hold it as law the way a Christian does. What I have learned is that people come to Jesus through love. They don’t get saved cause you tell them they are killers, sinners, going to hell…whatever it may be. People get saved when they see the joy, love, compassion, and strength that God gives. Every single person that has gone to church with me has joined me because they wanted the peace and joy that I have…and all but one has continued to go to that church, and found their peace and joy in God. The one who does not attend, is saved, knows that the peace is there, but has not found the strength to trust Him. She is lost, but she will find her way back…she longs for it and tells me so. Just show them the peace and joy, and they will come…Don’t judge them, don’t condemn them…that is His alone. Just show them the love, the peace, and the joy.
I am getting back into my personal mode again, and catching up. It has been a hard month…thank God for faith. It is way past my bed time, a problem I have been having all week, and I cannot make myself go to bed. I guess I might be having a slightly ‘manic’ week. I have a ton of things I would like to digest here, but feel the pressure of knowing my alarm will ring in four hours, and I could easily write for an hour if I get started now. What to do? Ten more minutes….Family life has been interesting. After talking to the realtor, I do not feel as though God is telling me I should move forward with the piece of land I have my eye on. It is slightly disappointing, but I am prepared to go down a very different path than I picture. Quite frankly, I am not as disappointed as I thought I would be to get no confirmation. I am flexible…I will go where He leads me. I believe that the more I fight it with my own stubborn ideas, the harder it will be. I think the path of least resistance will likely be the intended route. What does not bend in the wind, breaks, a favorite musician reminds me.
My son resists sleep, fighting a case of pink eye, and now ringing and pain in his ears. Bummer! We have missed all but one day of school this week. Dear Lord…please, no ear infection, Please!
It’s time to plan the danged garden…but it just started snowing…I am unprepared for this feeling.
Hubby took an unexpected path, and once again, life will be completely separate from the norm, but we will adjust quick. I will try to get on in the next few days with a better update…until then, God bless you all and have joyful adventures!