RAW

Good morning folks. How is everyone today? I am raw. It has been a rough couple weeks, and I don’t even have a plan of attack for this post, just feel the need to write it. Since my husbands accident, life has been a roller coaster, ups, downs, and all arounds…

Today my weather is like a classic Montana day. One minute bright and sunny-ish, the next so gray and dreary, but its just weather. It will be different tomorrow. I am hoping its sunny and spring like, but if its not in the forecast for tomorrow, Spring will come eventually. It always does. Like the chives and daffodils poking up this chilly February day, sometimes we gotta live under the burden of snow. Yet, I know that when the snow melts, there will be beautiful flowers and nourishing food that springs up. I know that the snow melting waters the plants, allows them to thrive. Can I face this latest tragedy with the knowledge that the snow will nourish the flower? It is my hope to keep that perspective. While I dont feel it is right to divulge the latest tragedy here, I do feel the urge to compare it to the turmoil of spring. The ups and downs of waiting for the dreary days to pass and the flowers to bloom. I have spent many days daydreaming about my garden, and today, my tragedy transfers easiest into a garden comparison. I love to garden. I love the joy it brings to plant seeds in the ground, nurture and water them, and watch them grow, but I haven’t put a lot of thought into how much I NEED it. This last 24 hours have been filled with appreciation for my “garden”. I always knew I loved it, just never really fully understood how dependent I was on it. Those fresh veggies, they are my lifeblood. They nourish me, help me stay strong, give me a purpose, and while I knew all of that, I never realized how deep that love went. Not until the idea of an unhealthy garden presented to me. The idea of a garden I cant provide nutrients and health to is devastating. Its helpless. It is a fear that goes deep and intrinsic. I cannot lose the thing that keeps me healthy and nourished. I feel helplessness as I wonder what I can do to help it. I feel panic as I scan the internet for answers to this disease that is ravaging my garden. I desperately seek an answer to make it all better. It drives me to find an alternative, something that can kill any garden pest. I know that when I find just the right control, the pest will die and the garden will thrive once again. I look for a control that is natural, wont cause lasting damage to the ground or the plants. I found that my garden is on the  front of my mind, day and night. It takes precedence over all of the little details while I patiently (and sometimes impatiently) wait, and watch for the change from pest ridden to healthy, and then to blooming and nourishing. I feel the stewardship taking hold in me, and I want to reach out, scan the other beds. The flower garden, the herb garden. Make sure they are healthy, strong, and not being devastated by this pest. I want to wrap a protective coating around the more fragile plants, and help keep them safe till this storm passes. I find strength in that. In the notion that I can protect the others, keep them strong. Eases the helplessness just a tiny bit.

On a positive note, we may have found just the right property. The one I have been desperately seeking for so long. Just playing the waiting game now, to see if its ours. Like a garden, life is all about waiting for the fruits of your labor. I have labored hard and intensively, and I see the fruits ripening. I think it will be a blessed bounty, and look forward to the harvest. Until next time, may your garden grow fruitful, bountiful, and full of nourishment, and may your garden pests be kept to a minimum.