Rested and recovered
Ahhh…much better. I spent most of yesterday and even part of today laying around or sleeping. I feel pretty rested, but also overwhelmed. I feel somewhat restless, but don’t seem to have any focus. Most of today is a blur, but I did stay productive for a good portion of it. I am feeling pretty desperate for some kind of direction, and I don’t know where to focus. My spay/neuter coordinator called me today to tell me she wants to do a fundraiser to try to get a new van for the spay/neuter task force. I told her we just had to pick something and do it. I also started a cookbook project with my little friends dad, both to raise money for her medical costs, and to raise cancer awareness. We are going to make a cancer fighting recipes cookbook in honor of my friend. I never imagined I would be so involved with cancer awareness, but it seems as though that is going to become a big part of my life for the rest of my life. It seems completely feasible that Rocky Mountain Rescue Ranch could easily add a couple of annual cancer awareness fundraisers. Two a year would be pretty awesome. Heck, one a year would be great. Especially if the ranch I envision purchasing is in the plan. I don’t know if it is or not, but I just keep thinking it would be perfect. I wonder if I can sell my crafts successfully. I guess I need to get time to finish making them first. I have a feeling that things are going to get less productive before they get more productive. I think the benefit was refreshing, but I also feel more confused than ever. I have so many things I want to focus on. I want to tell people what a Highly sensitive person is. I want to educate people about food and health. I want to educate people about PTSD and Shame. I want to tell people about God’s wonder and awesomeness! I want to daydream about my future, and I want to work toward it too.. I feel a bit stuck in that regard. I don’t know how to move forward form where I stand. I had a hugely successful evening on Saturday, but now what. I am doing a bunch of great stuff for my little friend, and I know that a side effect of that is that it gives me skills and connections that will be highly beneficial for me at the rescue ranch, but none of it helps me to move forward in securing a piece of land, and getting a ranch established, so that leaves me wondering what I am missing. I have a myriad of things I want to do, I need to do, and I have to do…and yet, I can’t figure out what is most important to focus on, plus, I feel like my world that was slightly upside down, is about to be pure chaos. I am a highly senstive person. I need down time. I already feel the stress of lack of space where I can get the peace and quiet “recoup” time that I so crave and require to function effectively. I feel energy pouring out the bottom of my feet in a way that only happens when I am really abundant in energy. Decompression is crucial, and if I don’t figure that out soon I will become pretty ineffective. At this moment I feel like I am walking around in a cloud of energy, and I am happy to say that it is energy soaked up at a very positive and love filled event, and so I am really kinda being carried by that energy. When that fades I am going to crash hard! I would like to be able to take preventative measures and prevent that from happening, but when I woke up today, I had nothing to do Wednesday through Saturday, away from the home. By noon I was booked for Wed, Thurs, and Friday. Umm… That is going to hurt by next week, and I don’t foresee routine or the big change I am hoping for coming fast or without some big struggle… I am sure the abundance will play out in a positive way, but I am at a point where I am a little concerned about my mental health if I don’t get away from it all for a minute…or thirty. If you are curious about the highly sensitive personality, you can follow this link to learn more. http://www.hsperson.com/ It also goes hand in hand with blood type diet, and that is another issue I would like to discuss here. I feel a need to prioritize all of my goals, dreams, and ambitions, so I can figure out how to move forward. My husband has come across an opportunity that could be outstanding, and answer a big question I had about what he would do on the rescue ranch. I can see how this opportunity could fit very well if it pans out for him. It could also mean a long wait. I just don’t know what I am supposed to do. I also feel a slight frustration with the foster care/respite care situation, because I don;t know how to do it in this house. I won’t be able to pass the inspection I need to get the licensing in this house, I don’t have the necessary extra bedroom, much less the right stuff, like fire extinguisher, and the means to lock up all meds. I don’t know exactly what to do about this, and I don’t know how to get the stuff done in our current situation. I feel that it is nearly impossible for me to get that certification in this house, and finding a way to move forward is key in that goal. It seems that the more I crave and strive for routine, the more monkey wrenches get thrown in my plan. It seems like when I had routine, I thought I was bored, and since life got a little more busy, I can’t get a minute of routine to save myself. I am desperate for so many things, and I have no idea which one to tackle first. I also want to spend some time on my organizing and cleaning projects, and some pamper time for me with all my lovely homemade bath and body products. How do I prioritize them all? Even when I make a schedule, I find a bunch of distractions take away form that. Maybe that is what this phase is about, learning how to move forward and minimize distractions. I am gonna chew on that for a while. Well, it’s late. I should get some rest. Big Tuesday tomorrow, and I have not even started my Bible Study homework yet. Home my little one sleeps tomorrow. Well, beddy by time. Sweet dreams and God bless you all!