“shoulding all over ourselves”
Oh my goodness folks! I have to say, while the decluttering feels great, oh man, it’s a ton of chaos, and it is wearing on me. I am doing much better this morning, now that the guys have gone off to school and work and I can get some stuff done, but dang, it was a rough weekend! The rooms I have done are great. It feels so nice to cook and live in the kitchen and dining rooms, and this office is just fabulous. So peaceful. Unfortunately, the rest of the house is a mess from the “remodeling” and well, dang! I am short on patience, understanding, compassion. All of the qualities I love so much about myself have flown out the window this week. I have no patience for folks who have drama they can change, who sit around whining about it. I call them the “can’t/won’t/but” people, and I am dealing with one and her drama in a big way today. I have been mean, blunt, callous, and cold. I have told said person that I am over the whining and to do something about it or quit crying about it, and well, just a complete lack of empathy. Ugh! I am operating on a very short fuse. I am cheerful and happy putting away the clutter, sorting through, and filling trash bags and “get rid of” boxes. I have filled so many huge garbage bags, and so may boxes of stuff. Its so satisfying watching them go out the door, exhausting trying to put back the keepers, and quite frankly, I feel as though I am growing slightly neurotic about the areas I have cleaned. I am desperate to keep them clean till the whole house is done, but I feel like I gotta follow folks around with a washcloth and a dustpan. That also adds to my lack of patience. Also, it feels like as soon as I get one thing fixed up, I found two more broken or messy spots…ugh! What a challenge this is turning out to be. I guess I expected it to be so, but now I am in the thick of it, and I was right, its a challenge. I keep thinking, it is a means to an end, and it will all be worth it, but then I reconsider the conversation I just had, and I think..Is it? Is it worth being this cold, mean, blunt, short fused, impatient and intolerant person for? Granted, last week was a mess, and I haven’t taken my HSP down time in two weeks, and have been surrounded by extra clutter, and people, the whole time. No wonder I am so mean today! Oh the quiet has been so nice today. No tv on, not even music, and I love music. Things are going nicely into places and homes where they belong, and I feel as though it can be a very positive, productive week, but by no means is it devoid of stressors. I am in this place, where I feel like I manage to listen to everyones drama, all day long. Lots of it can be changed, and they just blatantly refuse to do so. That is so incredibly frustrating for me….I have drama too. Some I can change, some I can’t, but I don’t play the blame game, and I am sick of all the can’ts and won’ts I keep hearing. I am sorry this post is so negative, I just want to tell them all, if its something you can change, change it or quit whining about it. Why can’t people see that they spend so much time whining about a situation, that by the time they look back, enough time has passed they coulda changed it? I am a grab it by the horns and look that bull square in the eyes kinda gal. If I can change it, I do. If not, I have to accept it and move one, but I get nowhere whining about the things other people do that I cannot control or change. I want to write about something a therapist taught me once. She called it “shoulding all over yourself” and it was clever. She talked about all the ways we “should all over” ourselves and others, and how unhappy that makes us. It is a concept that changed my life. She says…you think that guy “should have” used his blinker cause that is what YOU would have done. How do you know his wife isn’t in labor or ill? She says…you spend how much time thinking about things you “should have done” or “should be doing”. She made it clear that when we should all over ourselves we are just carrying anguish for things that are past, and that we can decide to change them, or quit beating ourselves up about it. As for shoulding all over others, it just gives us something to be crabby about that we cannot control…that guy should, that lady should…you get the point. Who made you the authority on what people “should” be doing with their lives, right. The minute I became aware of my “shoulding” patterns, I realized that I expected everyone to behave in a way that “I” thought was acceptable. How incredibly rude and self righteous, but wow…we all do it. Just watch yourself. How many times today have you thought that someone “should” have done something differently? Was it really even any of your business? Did it steal five minutes of your happiness? I am telling you, I found great joy in letting other people do as they will, without expectation. Without “shoulding all over” them or myself. I guess I am doing a little of that today. I “should” be nicer. I “should” be more compassionate. I “should” have more patience and tolerance. Hmmm…. guess I better check myself. Realistically, I am overwhelmed, tired, exhausted really, and surrounded by choas that slowly get whittled away a little bit each day. Maybe what I “should” do is give myself a break. So, I am thinking about the finer things in life today…like “shoulding all over” myself, and others. Ugh! I hope that as I move forward on this house, some of these less than compassionate thoughts will go away, meanwhile…I can only pray the God protects me from myself and helps to bring patience and peace. I hope you all are well. Till next time…many blessings my friends!