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What my timeline told me

Oh my, what a revealing little timeline it was! It was very late, and I only did a short sketch of my life, but for the last two days, I have been hit one at a time by a barrage of thoughts I would like to add to that timeline. Significant events changed my life all over the place, but when I got done, I found myself inclined to write, Holy smokes Girlfriend! You have come a long way! I saw in one quick glance, the period of change that went from sad and discontent to happy and stable. That in itself was pretty enlightening. I started going to church, confronted my molester and my family for the hurts they have caused, dreamed the idea of the Rescue Ranch, got my sons disorders diagnosed and became a stay home mom, found peace in my heart, and found a good man worth marrying, in a two year period. Nothing has looked the same since…

I am currently studying the book of James in my Bible Study with Beth Moore, and I can honestly tell you that I think the book of James is at least partially the answer to that question we all seek, the key to happiness. The Bible teaches these things so much differently than my therapist did, but they are easily translatable over one another. They even give different reasons for the desired behaviors, but no matter how you measure it, it adds up to the same amount of insight. My therapist taught me behaviors for my sake, my Bible teaches me behaviors for my sake as well, so that I may please the Lord. Regardless of how you look at it, it comes back to the same behavior modifications. I have had many therapists, but only one was a Christian, and that never came up in our few brief meetings. It’s so hard to watch people do the things that both my Bible and therapist have taught me are unhealthy. I realize that I fail the Bible every single day, but in this one book, I get it better than most of the women, and men, that I talk to. Probably because it was when I learned how to stop letting other people’s behavior dictate my happiness. The only behavior that really matters to me is my own (and my child’s to an extent, but that is a different topic).

I desperately want to help other women, and people in general, understand their value. I also want to help them see how mislead about their own worth they have been. I want to show them that God does not bring evil, Satan does, and God is the one who can carry you through it. I want to be able to help people find that general feeling of peace and well being, that only God can bring in His time. I wish I could help share this with people, but I feel like a lot of people cry and whine and beg the secret to happiness, and when you share what you have found, they don’t want to hear it. Meanwhile, I truly believe if you can come to comprehend the book of James, and that if we learn to consciously curb our tongues, accept EVERYBODY for who they are, and realize that God made them perfectly His, give whenever possible, and just try to genuinely show kindness and love to all we meet, we sure don’t have much to complain about, and we are so much more aware of the small blessings we are so heavily blessed with. When was the last time you made a list of everything you are thankful for? I mean everything…Your dog, cat, child, house, food, husband, sister, mom, dad, clothing on your back, money in the bank, and bank account for that matter. Do you own a car? How about a cell phone? Do you have friends, a job, a computer, the internet, an education…even a high school diploma is a huge blessing. Almost everyone I know, has every one of those things, and yet, people walk around all day seeking more. Seriously? Does your unmet needs list really include needs, or are they really your wants and desires that you have manifested into need? In order to find  happiness, you need only recognize the blessings you already have abundant in your life. And praise God! Once you have found that you are blessed beyond your wildest imagination, you realize that you are content, more patient, more empathetic, and just generally at peace. Thank you Lord, for such abundance in my life. The problem with that, is that most of you reading this do not realize that I come from an estranged and difficult background. I have lost more loved ones than I can count. I was verbally and sexually abused repeatedly as a child, and even some into adulthood, although I manifested it in different ways. I have been down dark, ugly hard paths. I have had my issues with substance abuse and with codependency, as well as serious mental health breakdown, and repair. I have despaired to the depths of the darkest pits, and I have felt joy so far reaching I cannot put it into words. I can find the light in some very dark places, but I have finally found peace, contentment,  faith, and true joy. James, as I dig in, just warms my heart with reminders, that I have found peace, through these very tactics and techniques described in this book that so many people spend their whole lives desperately searching for. Peace is an amazing feeling. Contentment is just beyond description. I wish you all deep peace and contentment, as you wander through this day. Till next time…

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